Naps make everything better! I faced some really big resistance last night. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep. I'm not sure if I stonewalled stage 3 but I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that I stonewalled stage 3 in previous runs but I've lowered the intensity of the subliminal by restricting my hours and lowering the volume so I think my mind is going to be unsuccessful in summoning the energy to stonewall the incoming suggestions this time; equal and opposite reaction: it has less energy to push against. I did however find myself exhausted after breakfast today and had a brief 30 minute nap in which a lot of emotions shifted.
Something in Stage 2 or 3 made me realise that my ex was batshit crazy and place the responsibility for the breakdown where it belonged, squarely on her crazy shoulders. I don't even know why I tried taking responsibility for the situation, I guess I cared about her and knew that thinking about her and treating her like she's crazy would be damaging. Somehow, somewhere I've had it wired in me that I'm better off if I avoid blaming others and take responsibility for what happens to me but that's just about the most damaging way to approach a situation where you're dealing with someone who isn't normal. And it's clear to me now that my ex is emotionally damaged AF; definitely not normal.
Maybe I've confused taking responsibility for my contribution to a situation with taking responsibility for a whole situation (and absolving her of any responsibility like some kind of fucking chump beta male hero).
Something in Stage 2 or 3 made me realise that my ex was batshit crazy and place the responsibility for the breakdown where it belonged, squarely on her crazy shoulders. I don't even know why I tried taking responsibility for the situation, I guess I cared about her and knew that thinking about her and treating her like she's crazy would be damaging. Somehow, somewhere I've had it wired in me that I'm better off if I avoid blaming others and take responsibility for what happens to me but that's just about the most damaging way to approach a situation where you're dealing with someone who isn't normal. And it's clear to me now that my ex is emotionally damaged AF; definitely not normal.
Maybe I've confused taking responsibility for my contribution to a situation with taking responsibility for a whole situation (and absolving her of any responsibility like some kind of fucking chump beta male hero).
