02-06-2017, 07:10 AM
Man, I just realized I'm still held back by fear 
But with my last post I've been tuning into more of my emotional state instead of rationalizing the crap out of it. I've determined my thought process is going something like this: Think about making changes with sub ---> experience fear ----> consciously construct some rationalization to make it seem like it's not fear ex. (Not being my personality type, just needing to remove more negative beliefs about myself, pushing too hard, not being "authentic", needing to relax more, avoid stress, the list goes on and on).
Basically I see now where I've been going wrong giving into the fear and not pushing myself enough. You don't know where the limit is until you've hit it and I think fear has imposed an artificial limit that I've been afraid to push past. So I make up all these convoluted excuses that makes myself feel better.
All of this is really really simple, but also incredibly complex at the same time. To be honest I can't even tell if I have any negative opinions about myself anymore deep down in my subconscious or if I generate those as a result of fear as a way to avoid taking action. I can't really know.
And I've realized with all of my posts they are just really lengthy roundabout ways of describing what's going on inside of me. There's no real insight or applicable strategies or anything. It's like watching a fire burn down a house and sitting down and crafting a 500 word essay on the fire itself instead of putting out the fire. Then you run over to someone and tell them about it and they're just like "why the hell didn't you call the fire department?". So I guess from now on my posts are going to be reserved for major changes really because discussing that fire in depth doesn't really do much to change it. I guess this is growth?
But with my last post I've been tuning into more of my emotional state instead of rationalizing the crap out of it. I've determined my thought process is going something like this: Think about making changes with sub ---> experience fear ----> consciously construct some rationalization to make it seem like it's not fear ex. (Not being my personality type, just needing to remove more negative beliefs about myself, pushing too hard, not being "authentic", needing to relax more, avoid stress, the list goes on and on).
Basically I see now where I've been going wrong giving into the fear and not pushing myself enough. You don't know where the limit is until you've hit it and I think fear has imposed an artificial limit that I've been afraid to push past. So I make up all these convoluted excuses that makes myself feel better.
All of this is really really simple, but also incredibly complex at the same time. To be honest I can't even tell if I have any negative opinions about myself anymore deep down in my subconscious or if I generate those as a result of fear as a way to avoid taking action. I can't really know.
And I've realized with all of my posts they are just really lengthy roundabout ways of describing what's going on inside of me. There's no real insight or applicable strategies or anything. It's like watching a fire burn down a house and sitting down and crafting a 500 word essay on the fire itself instead of putting out the fire. Then you run over to someone and tell them about it and they're just like "why the hell didn't you call the fire department?". So I guess from now on my posts are going to be reserved for major changes really because discussing that fire in depth doesn't really do much to change it. I guess this is growth?
