01-25-2017, 05:44 AM
(01-23-2017, 09:17 AM)Steven Wrote: @bits
I wanted to take time to thoughtfully consider your post.
I always appreciate your insightful, thoughtful, and comprehensive answers! Thank you!
Being the opposite of aloof... could you say a bit more about that. That "being aloof" has been dogma that's been drilled into our heads for years by "experts".
Being in a good mood is something I could do better because I often approach more to the neutral side.
Thinking about funny moments to get that state on the inside is a great concrete method!
I do need to do most of the initial talking and keep it light. That is spot on! I tend to want to ask more in depth questions because I want to know who I'm talking with. Although this has worked for me in the past, I now get these confused stares. So I think you're right that they are in their heads in an introverted way and feeling attracted to me or viewing as higher status, and I bet they are not used to that.
I need to tone down the James Bond. That again is spot on.
Looking up interviews of celebrities with people who don't usually interview such people is a great idea! I watched a few interviews with Brad Pitt, and think I have an idea of what you're talking about. His body language is relaxed, and from time to time he's self-effacing. He also is humble such as explaining what he does as hard work over talent. He accepts his praise by also talking about something he did that was naive on the way to his success. When ever someone tries to elevate him, he takes himself off that pedestal. Were there other things you think are examples of what he does?
Yea sure, being aloof, at least the way most people "teach" it is to pretend like you could care less. If you're perceived as low status and trying to "build" status that can work but if people think you're high status and do that they think you're a jerk. To me aloof is avoiding eye contact, giving short replies, not really listening, being one sided with the conversation, closed off body language.
I just came across this body language analysis the other day and it's a pretty good breakdown on how the host tries to get the guest to open up:
As for Brad Pitt i think you nailed everything I noticed, the vibe I get from him is that "this person is offering me value" and in a way they are. Every time he does an interview he gets more exposure and increased revenue for his movies which means more money for him and in he's aware and appreciates that and since "the true self is always coming through" it bleeds into his interactions.
In practical use for us non-celebs what I always keep in the back of my mind is that no matter how small or meaningless an interaction may be it's still better than standing there by myself being bored while waiting in line for a coffee or whatever and it's somebody else giving me a chance to keep my social skills sharp so I'm appreciative of that.
