01-25-2017, 01:24 AM
Just finished homework for Thursday class. Unfortunately, I didn't have all that great focus for my last reading, and that I may have to re visit. For now, I am not going to do that.
Went to all of the classes so far and I don't know is this some kind of farce (or fart in my face?) Okay, one class is online class, and that I don't get to meet any of the classmates, so that is a no go for meeting a new girl. Besides I missed that class due to cold so I don't even know who's in the class. (I can also safely say that I will probably never find out who are really in the class.)
The other Monday class was interesting that it had reverse gender ration, there were only three girls and all guys. I have never had a class in which there were more guys in it ever since I graduated my high school. (I was in all boys school.) At least that there were two guys I knew from previous class, so that was good. And there was a cute girl.
Okay, now some of you guys may be like why the hell are you thinking this is a farce, or a fart in your face? Well, here is why. I did a little bit of background check on all the girls, at least those who I thought was attractive. And guess what? They are all have boyfriends!!!!! Well, this was very good. This was a very good joke in a way that this is exactly the same as it always has been to me. All the girls I find attractive are in a committed relationship and that they are not available. It's not a matter about they don't feel attraction. (Well, then I have something to do about it.) It's like I don't even have a go with it. Only difference this time? I am much more active in finding out who's available and who's not.
So have I have seen any DMSI manifestation? If yes, then what a joke. If not? What's taking so long in getting that manifestation? Clearly it's not gonna work in offline as far as class is concerned. (And that is one of major social venue for me. Although it never really worked out well though. Still, this semester seemed a little bit different at least when it comes to my sociability. But there are no right people. Thanks)
I also went to therapy session and worked on fixing the profile a bit. It wasn't much overhaul, so I have no clue if it's going to work. Either way, the pool's running terrible. I looked briefly at the available people on both sites/apps, and none of them seem attractive enough for me to even bother making a contact. There were some hype early on, but the quality or attractiveness of girls have gone done for some reason.
Alright, so god damn it. Another fucking boring Valentine day to be. (Yeah, and I don't even have money to go to Valentine day event solo. What a waste of money it has been.)
And I am getting a specific negative thought/feeling. I am feeling that once I achieve more successes and other stuff in other area of my life, women will start to chase me. But then, I will be not just turning them away, I will chase them away. Why? I will feel disgusted that they are only there for superficial stuff, not me, and I will feel disgusted and feel even betrayed by human beings if stuff like that to happen on a constant basis. (Well, I don't think I am even expressing well here though.)
Anyway, I feel that once in a while, I am getting a good reminder that I am not going to achieve what I want in this part of my life. And this reminds me of my childhood, and what I remember a lot is that I never really got the exact toy I wanted. Almost always, or all the things I remember, I got the stuff that is close replica of what I wanted, but not the exact one. Apparently, this seems to be the case in this part of life, and I am not liking this one bit at all. Also speaking, I also think that my academic life or offers from academic institutions have been like that as well. (Except one time, in which the offer came too late that it was same as no offer.) Only one thing different in academia is that it all turned out to be great, and that I learned much and gained much more than I anticipated, and because of that I don't have any resentment in that area. But in the category of sex and dating? Shit guys, shit.
This in a way reminds me or make me think that I am either forced to settle what not what I want , or not have it at all. Honestly, I am more inclined to take the later part, and live a hermit life, which feels like a destiny.
On a positive/interesting note. Today, I was at a grocery store to get multivitamin, and an old lady came and told me she's with that company (the company that makes the vitamin) and told me to ask her any questions. I asked her questions regarding the different products, and she wasn't sure so she and I took a look at the bottles. While we were taking a look, she was close to me, and close enough to a point that I felt her boob press on my arm. This wasn't the first time I got it (I have gotten it a few times in the past, but that was way before DMSI), but this was the first time since I am on DMSI.
It could have been nothing, but it could have been DMSI's producing aura and creating sexual irritability. Now, it's time to create that damn manifestation (and surprise me big time, I mean big time, but amazingly good big time), and save me from negativity, and bring positivity. For me, for the girl, and for the sub creator.
Went to all of the classes so far and I don't know is this some kind of farce (or fart in my face?) Okay, one class is online class, and that I don't get to meet any of the classmates, so that is a no go for meeting a new girl. Besides I missed that class due to cold so I don't even know who's in the class. (I can also safely say that I will probably never find out who are really in the class.)
The other Monday class was interesting that it had reverse gender ration, there were only three girls and all guys. I have never had a class in which there were more guys in it ever since I graduated my high school. (I was in all boys school.) At least that there were two guys I knew from previous class, so that was good. And there was a cute girl.
Okay, now some of you guys may be like why the hell are you thinking this is a farce, or a fart in your face? Well, here is why. I did a little bit of background check on all the girls, at least those who I thought was attractive. And guess what? They are all have boyfriends!!!!! Well, this was very good. This was a very good joke in a way that this is exactly the same as it always has been to me. All the girls I find attractive are in a committed relationship and that they are not available. It's not a matter about they don't feel attraction. (Well, then I have something to do about it.) It's like I don't even have a go with it. Only difference this time? I am much more active in finding out who's available and who's not.
So have I have seen any DMSI manifestation? If yes, then what a joke. If not? What's taking so long in getting that manifestation? Clearly it's not gonna work in offline as far as class is concerned. (And that is one of major social venue for me. Although it never really worked out well though. Still, this semester seemed a little bit different at least when it comes to my sociability. But there are no right people. Thanks)
I also went to therapy session and worked on fixing the profile a bit. It wasn't much overhaul, so I have no clue if it's going to work. Either way, the pool's running terrible. I looked briefly at the available people on both sites/apps, and none of them seem attractive enough for me to even bother making a contact. There were some hype early on, but the quality or attractiveness of girls have gone done for some reason.
Alright, so god damn it. Another fucking boring Valentine day to be. (Yeah, and I don't even have money to go to Valentine day event solo. What a waste of money it has been.)
And I am getting a specific negative thought/feeling. I am feeling that once I achieve more successes and other stuff in other area of my life, women will start to chase me. But then, I will be not just turning them away, I will chase them away. Why? I will feel disgusted that they are only there for superficial stuff, not me, and I will feel disgusted and feel even betrayed by human beings if stuff like that to happen on a constant basis. (Well, I don't think I am even expressing well here though.)
Anyway, I feel that once in a while, I am getting a good reminder that I am not going to achieve what I want in this part of my life. And this reminds me of my childhood, and what I remember a lot is that I never really got the exact toy I wanted. Almost always, or all the things I remember, I got the stuff that is close replica of what I wanted, but not the exact one. Apparently, this seems to be the case in this part of life, and I am not liking this one bit at all. Also speaking, I also think that my academic life or offers from academic institutions have been like that as well. (Except one time, in which the offer came too late that it was same as no offer.) Only one thing different in academia is that it all turned out to be great, and that I learned much and gained much more than I anticipated, and because of that I don't have any resentment in that area. But in the category of sex and dating? Shit guys, shit.
This in a way reminds me or make me think that I am either forced to settle what not what I want , or not have it at all. Honestly, I am more inclined to take the later part, and live a hermit life, which feels like a destiny.
On a positive/interesting note. Today, I was at a grocery store to get multivitamin, and an old lady came and told me she's with that company (the company that makes the vitamin) and told me to ask her any questions. I asked her questions regarding the different products, and she wasn't sure so she and I took a look at the bottles. While we were taking a look, she was close to me, and close enough to a point that I felt her boob press on my arm. This wasn't the first time I got it (I have gotten it a few times in the past, but that was way before DMSI), but this was the first time since I am on DMSI.
It could have been nothing, but it could have been DMSI's producing aura and creating sexual irritability. Now, it's time to create that damn manifestation (and surprise me big time, I mean big time, but amazingly good big time), and save me from negativity, and bring positivity. For me, for the girl, and for the sub creator.
