01-17-2017, 09:46 PM
It's good that I have an extended break due to my first class not starting until Thursday. Nevertheless, I have been pretty productive. I went to see my career advisor, and it went whole a lot better than I thought. She definitely understood my interests, at least better than some other people in my field. It seems that the advisor may definitely be able to help secure a right internship, and she may even be able to secure me a contact of an institution I had an interest in. So it was very productive. Also, the conversation was great, she had a few laughs, and it was very fluid. I like it.
Another good thing about extended break is that I had time to think about the expectations, and other things associated with it.
So I thought a little bit about expectation. Rather let me just say it's an expectation/hope. Some of them feel old, and may no longer be current, but I thought that I will nevertheless start with them.
I guess in terms of women, I expected/hoped that I deserve the best woman. The woman who is very smart, beautiful, emotionally well developed, kind/warm hearted, being able to lead and also comfortable to be led, and etc..... And Shannon you also told me to think about why, and I thought about why. One is that I have sacrificed a lot to come this far (in academia and other areas of life) and that I feel that I am entitled to many great stuff, including a great woman, or the best woman available. This in a way probably comes from a mind, or what I will call reward psychology, which I feel that I have sacrificed and spent much (being separated from my family for a long time, struggles to adjust to new culture and society, lots of time, money, physical and emotional spend) that I should get reward. Or I think this may be something I may have though in conscious and subconscious level.
The second may be associated with how I will be seen by others. It's like oh if I have less than best woman, I will be looked down upon. Or something like, my parents will never approve, and will lead to much misery and difficult times. So in a way, I think that this has also influenced my choice of women, but not too much. Still, I think some part of me is still affected by this and am hesitant to a certain degree. (I realized that I still do a certain degree think about hey will my parents approve this girl? I also think that the fear is in part coming from the fact that I am financially dependent on them to pay for my staying and studying in the US.) I think other social side (like care on what others will think about me if I were to be in a relationship with this girl) isn't there as much, but I may still have that part.
Thinking about these, I think I can tell that I am much freerer than before, but I think that there may be some residues of these left behind.
In terms of online dating, I don't know what the expectation I have is...... I think it was more about the frustration from no visible or graspable results compared to the input. (Well in that case, you may say that the expectation was to have some results, which I don't know if there is any good reasons behind expectations other than that I have put quite a lot of effort, and that I feel I am entitled to get some result?)
Here is the funny thing though. I also thought about my expectations about other parts of my life, and it is mainly about academics, career and etc. Generally, expectations or whatever is whole a lot better here, and I will have to say that it isn't all that destructive, although there are definitely destructive sides to it. For instance, my expectation that I was not doing well in the courses were causing anxiety, and my expectation on what the course was going to be also made it difficult and frustrating when the course was quite different from what I anticipated or wanted it to be. Yet, at the same time, the second part of expectation was constructive as well that it was providing me an insight on which field I may excel at and which field that I may not enjoy. So I wouldn't call it all not constructive. Besides, I think I need to have some expectations or thoughts about what the course is, if it is electives. Why? I mean I only have a few choices to take, and I should take the ones that are either producing great return (expected to produce great return, in terms of learning), or something I will enjoy learning about. Without these thoughts, then I become rather clueless in choosing the course, and that it becomes very similar to shooting at a target which I don't have a goal. And now I feel that I am mixing the goal/target with expectation again.
And another expectations/imaginations I have? Well, I imagine and expect that my girlfriend/wife will love me back. I expect/imagine her to enjoy having sex and sex will be great. I expect/imagine that I will love her much and will be compatible.
These are some of the things I came up with today, briefly thinking about the expectation issues.
I don't know if I made any progress, but I did at least attempt to do what Shannon suggested.
(01-17-2017, 01:12 PM)Shannon Wrote: Does the dandelion expect to bloom? Does the acorn expect to become the mightly oak? Does a frog expect to be a frog?
Of course not. They simply "are". They are expressing their natural existences. They are what they are without need for expectations. They simply "are".
Letting go of expectations first requires that you know you have them. Then you must identify what your expectations are. And then you must understand that you created those expectations, and just as you created them, you can dissolve and release them - if you so choose.
Expectations that we create to give ourselves comfortable limitations are by their very nature self limiting. Beyond them is the "Great Unknown", and that can be scary. But it;s really nothing to fear; you just don't have the "program" to run when faced with that circumstance, to know "what to do in response to it" yet.
Having a expectations regarding others will lead you to disappointment, because they will not always follow your expectations. They are not you, and they do not all have your circumstances or point of view, or desires, or needs, or fears, or beliefs.
You know now that expectations are limiting your success. Now focus on identifying when you are responding with expectations, and what those expectations are.
When you get good at that, start asking yourself... why do I expect this? And explore they "why" of it.
Another good thing about extended break is that I had time to think about the expectations, and other things associated with it.
So I thought a little bit about expectation. Rather let me just say it's an expectation/hope. Some of them feel old, and may no longer be current, but I thought that I will nevertheless start with them.
I guess in terms of women, I expected/hoped that I deserve the best woman. The woman who is very smart, beautiful, emotionally well developed, kind/warm hearted, being able to lead and also comfortable to be led, and etc..... And Shannon you also told me to think about why, and I thought about why. One is that I have sacrificed a lot to come this far (in academia and other areas of life) and that I feel that I am entitled to many great stuff, including a great woman, or the best woman available. This in a way probably comes from a mind, or what I will call reward psychology, which I feel that I have sacrificed and spent much (being separated from my family for a long time, struggles to adjust to new culture and society, lots of time, money, physical and emotional spend) that I should get reward. Or I think this may be something I may have though in conscious and subconscious level.
The second may be associated with how I will be seen by others. It's like oh if I have less than best woman, I will be looked down upon. Or something like, my parents will never approve, and will lead to much misery and difficult times. So in a way, I think that this has also influenced my choice of women, but not too much. Still, I think some part of me is still affected by this and am hesitant to a certain degree. (I realized that I still do a certain degree think about hey will my parents approve this girl? I also think that the fear is in part coming from the fact that I am financially dependent on them to pay for my staying and studying in the US.) I think other social side (like care on what others will think about me if I were to be in a relationship with this girl) isn't there as much, but I may still have that part.
Thinking about these, I think I can tell that I am much freerer than before, but I think that there may be some residues of these left behind.
In terms of online dating, I don't know what the expectation I have is...... I think it was more about the frustration from no visible or graspable results compared to the input. (Well in that case, you may say that the expectation was to have some results, which I don't know if there is any good reasons behind expectations other than that I have put quite a lot of effort, and that I feel I am entitled to get some result?)
Here is the funny thing though. I also thought about my expectations about other parts of my life, and it is mainly about academics, career and etc. Generally, expectations or whatever is whole a lot better here, and I will have to say that it isn't all that destructive, although there are definitely destructive sides to it. For instance, my expectation that I was not doing well in the courses were causing anxiety, and my expectation on what the course was going to be also made it difficult and frustrating when the course was quite different from what I anticipated or wanted it to be. Yet, at the same time, the second part of expectation was constructive as well that it was providing me an insight on which field I may excel at and which field that I may not enjoy. So I wouldn't call it all not constructive. Besides, I think I need to have some expectations or thoughts about what the course is, if it is electives. Why? I mean I only have a few choices to take, and I should take the ones that are either producing great return (expected to produce great return, in terms of learning), or something I will enjoy learning about. Without these thoughts, then I become rather clueless in choosing the course, and that it becomes very similar to shooting at a target which I don't have a goal. And now I feel that I am mixing the goal/target with expectation again.
And another expectations/imaginations I have? Well, I imagine and expect that my girlfriend/wife will love me back. I expect/imagine her to enjoy having sex and sex will be great. I expect/imagine that I will love her much and will be compatible.
These are some of the things I came up with today, briefly thinking about the expectation issues.
I don't know if I made any progress, but I did at least attempt to do what Shannon suggested.
