01-12-2017, 04:20 PM
Right now I feel like absolute shit, I miss my family, I have no motivation to go to the gym without pre-workout. I have my goals in-front of me but procrastination is getting the better of me, been lieing in bed all day switching from topic to topic on my laptop, listening to the news while reading a self-help book.
The thought of meeting and talking to people without some sort of stimulant or drug scares me, and I know i can't keep going this way. Perhaps this is the resistance everyone talks about.
One part of me is ambitious and wanting to conquer my fears but my old thinking patterns and habits reel me in. My social anxiety has gotten worse this could be resistance, I miss my family dearly and I care for them yet I can't tell them how much i love them, it's like i'm wounded on the inside and I'm just covering up these wounds with kratom and phenibut.
Before I wouldn't say anything exciting or moving but at-least I was comfortable with the thought of being in public. Over the break, I broke my nofap streak, I think this added to the guilt and depression.
Phenibut brings out the best of my personality and I wish i could be the same with out it, trying to get a consistent meditation ritual set.
The thought of meeting and talking to people without some sort of stimulant or drug scares me, and I know i can't keep going this way. Perhaps this is the resistance everyone talks about.
One part of me is ambitious and wanting to conquer my fears but my old thinking patterns and habits reel me in. My social anxiety has gotten worse this could be resistance, I miss my family dearly and I care for them yet I can't tell them how much i love them, it's like i'm wounded on the inside and I'm just covering up these wounds with kratom and phenibut.
Before I wouldn't say anything exciting or moving but at-least I was comfortable with the thought of being in public. Over the break, I broke my nofap streak, I think this added to the guilt and depression.
Phenibut brings out the best of my personality and I wish i could be the same with out it, trying to get a consistent meditation ritual set.
"I don't want to be a product of my environment....I want my environment to be a product of me."
