01-10-2017, 11:03 PM
(01-10-2017, 10:13 PM)Shannon Wrote: Was she noticing you more than other people?
This is the part that I wasn't so sure about. I don't know if the woman was noticing me more than others. Although I think the conversation might have gotten her to remember about her ex, which could have been the reason for her action.
Another thing to note is that in my previous one, (which gave me the lamenting feeling and stuff) I was talking with bunch of guys (yeah, nowadays I seem to be talking with many more guys, not girls.) and one of the guy was like, hey do you feel warm in here? And the other guy was like I feel warm in here. I didn't feel warm there. However, I have to say that I find that I have higher tolerance for hotness than many other white/American people (I'm not trying to be racist here, but that's what I found) but I have a lower tolerance for coldness, even though I spent nearly half of my life in cold parts of the world. So my not feeling warm may not have been a good indicator, but come to think of it, I suppose that thing could have been an interesting thing to note. (I haven't heard anything about hotness or other stuff today though.)
(01-10-2017, 09:35 PM)Shannon Wrote: The program can only do what you allow it to do. It's obvious that you have a lot of fear surrounding this, so you're trying to execute, but don't seem to be executing fully because you are clearing and healing, and growing into this new status.
I am not going to deny that I have a lot of fear, but if I have it, I am not very aware or conscious of it. I also think that I have this time frame set in my mind, which comes from external stimuli. This external stimuli is literally out of my control (I have very little control) and it is very private matter that I cannot talk about it open in the journal. I believe that the fear may be a pressure/stress I have based on the time frame that is set both consciously and subconsciously in my mind. The external stimulus is not only related to this part, but is also related to much part of my life that even though I try my best to ease my mind and emotions around it, but I am not having much successes in this area. (Even with my doctors, this one is relatively more difficult.)
Another fear can be related to my academic performance. It's like oh, if I were to divert myself to this (social and women), will I be able to maintain academic performance, type of thing. (I literally had to commit myself 110% to have great performance, and I really do need the performance, as it is part of my visa requirement, and also a part of my future plan. (If I'm going for more advanced degree than I need to have a stellar record.))
And lastly, I suppose it is probably related to ASD symptoms in general.
But I am going to say this. If it's fear, I am not very aware of it, and that I cannot pinpoint the source or explain what it is specifically. My gut is telling that there is more than just fear, but I suppose that can be a starting point to consider a fear as a one of the inhibitor.
