DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle?

[Shannon]

You are exhibiting a type of resistance I see my girlfriend indulging in a lot, and it's based in fear. It goes like this:

1. Fear X.
2. Avoid X.
3. When X becomes necessary or is pushed forward, respond with unrealistic expectations that are too polar in positive direction.
4. When expectations fail to be met, respond with unrealistic responses that are too polar in the negative direction.

You are basically setting yourself up to fail and thereby have "reasons" for your avoidance and fears by approaching the whole thing in such a polar way. Expectations...

I learned, back when I used to do this very same thing, that life is much more enjoyable, and successful, if I just let go of expectations, and do my thing. Okay, so you got scammed. Lesson: there are scammers out there, and you have to be vigilant. But that doesn't mean online dating automatically becomes a fail. It means you have to know what to look for and what to ask.

The goals of DMSI are what they are. DMSI needs, in this version, to be within sight of a person to affect them.

So you went out to a social event, and nothing. And you came home even more discouraged.

Again... out of fear, your afraid part is seeking to polarize the experience so you consciously will give up and not have to deal with what you fear.

Doing that leads to, guess what?

What you have.

Knowing what you are doing, which I am trying to show you, will give you the ammunition to change your patterns and therefore what you experience and what you have.

Giving up at the first sign of a challenge is how you fail. "Failure is the path of least persistence."

Growing past fears and stagnation can be a scary thing. So do it in small, easily manageable steps.

Instead of going out expecting to land a date and have sex, go out with the simple expectation that... "I'm going to this event, and I'm going to enjoy the fact that I went to this event instead of hiding in my room. And if anything else happens, it will be a pleasant surprise."

Here's another example.

Person A expects 10 units to arrive in a shipment, and Person B expects that the shipment may or may not arrive.

The shipment arrives, but has 5 units. Person A is disappointed and upset. Person B is happy. What's the difference? Their expectations.

Accept what is, and then work to make it what you want it to be. But let go of expectations that can lead to disappointments, because they usually do.

And don't quit. Just be more tranquil and understanding with yourself, and take smaller steps to your goal.