01-07-2017, 11:52 PM
Before finally closing everything down, I decided to take one last look at the journal. Last post seemed a bit too bitter, so I just felt like I needed to add one more stuff to make it less sound bitter. But I don't know if I can do that.
Today was a day I was actually forced to take a long break. It snowed a lot outside (not a lot compared to the regions I have been previously), and when it snows here, it becomes chaotic that I don't feel safe to go out. (People seriously don't know how to drive around here when it's snowy). Played Hacknet, binge watched Humans, followed CES a little bit. Then I re-visited my journal.
One thing I realized from re reading stuff is that this mode of communication (online forum) isn't helping me at all. People read stuff, and my message doesn't get communicated clearly. Even when I thought that I clarified stuff, the message doesn't get across as I intended, or people interpret it differently from what I wanted to convey.
Also the fact that people have to judge me and I have to judge and imagine what they are like through only very limited information (what they put on the forum) is also contributing to the miscommunication to a point that it is rather detrimental. This is one of the issues that I have lately been feeling and have clearly seen from my re-visiting the journal.
Am I going to just call it quits? I am not going to say what I am going to do. Well, before I made my decision to quit, I paid all the stuff for the social stuff that I am bound to do it. (Good job putting myself to excruciating torture.) But am I going to put in the effort, have a positive outlook and anything? No. (As I know that it simply isn't efficient to put effort and have any optimism. Besides it's a better mechanism to do it other way around.) I'm just going to go there as I paid the stuff (no refund possible), trying to reduce the intensity of mental torture I put myself through. I just hope that this will not cause a havoc in my academic achievement in the future, and will be less torturous than my experiences so far.
But let me make this clear. I am not going to update the journal from now on, unless when there is a significantly positive outcome.
Today was a day I was actually forced to take a long break. It snowed a lot outside (not a lot compared to the regions I have been previously), and when it snows here, it becomes chaotic that I don't feel safe to go out. (People seriously don't know how to drive around here when it's snowy). Played Hacknet, binge watched Humans, followed CES a little bit. Then I re-visited my journal.
One thing I realized from re reading stuff is that this mode of communication (online forum) isn't helping me at all. People read stuff, and my message doesn't get communicated clearly. Even when I thought that I clarified stuff, the message doesn't get across as I intended, or people interpret it differently from what I wanted to convey.
Also the fact that people have to judge me and I have to judge and imagine what they are like through only very limited information (what they put on the forum) is also contributing to the miscommunication to a point that it is rather detrimental. This is one of the issues that I have lately been feeling and have clearly seen from my re-visiting the journal.
Am I going to just call it quits? I am not going to say what I am going to do. Well, before I made my decision to quit, I paid all the stuff for the social stuff that I am bound to do it. (Good job putting myself to excruciating torture.) But am I going to put in the effort, have a positive outlook and anything? No. (As I know that it simply isn't efficient to put effort and have any optimism. Besides it's a better mechanism to do it other way around.) I'm just going to go there as I paid the stuff (no refund possible), trying to reduce the intensity of mental torture I put myself through. I just hope that this will not cause a havoc in my academic achievement in the future, and will be less torturous than my experiences so far.
But let me make this clear. I am not going to update the journal from now on, unless when there is a significantly positive outcome.
