01-06-2017, 06:18 AM
Coming close to the end of stage 2 and it seems like I'm a bit more receptive towards what it's trying to do. Can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's good because I'm not fighting as much, but it's bad because I feel like if I wasn't fighting as much from the beginning I'd be getting better results. Oh well, it is what it is.
I figured out part of my reluctance to embracing a lot of the changes that AM6 is doing is because of authenticity. Somewhere deep in the back of my mind I still feel like being a confident alpha person isn't me. So I'm trying to hold onto this old self, the one that is insecure and depressed while also accepting the new self. But it's just not possible. I have to embrace the new me or I'll never change, it's as simple as that.
I don't know what goes through my head, but I guess I never really let go of that fear of changing myself or not being myself. E2 was ok because in my head it was just clearing and clearing brings out the best in me. But AM6 seems like it's changing me and for some reason I still perceive that as artificial or wrong. I don't know how to describe it really, but I think that's what's holding me back the most. Maybe it's just resistance in a different form? Every time I experience these thoughts it seems to get me to revert to my old self, so I guess it works in getting me to avoid change. The problem is in the past I told myself these thoughts were closer to the truth than they actually are. Ugh, mind games.
I figured out part of my reluctance to embracing a lot of the changes that AM6 is doing is because of authenticity. Somewhere deep in the back of my mind I still feel like being a confident alpha person isn't me. So I'm trying to hold onto this old self, the one that is insecure and depressed while also accepting the new self. But it's just not possible. I have to embrace the new me or I'll never change, it's as simple as that.
I don't know what goes through my head, but I guess I never really let go of that fear of changing myself or not being myself. E2 was ok because in my head it was just clearing and clearing brings out the best in me. But AM6 seems like it's changing me and for some reason I still perceive that as artificial or wrong. I don't know how to describe it really, but I think that's what's holding me back the most. Maybe it's just resistance in a different form? Every time I experience these thoughts it seems to get me to revert to my old self, so I guess it works in getting me to avoid change. The problem is in the past I told myself these thoughts were closer to the truth than they actually are. Ugh, mind games.
