01-01-2017, 07:17 PM
For two nights I've used the masked trickling stream track, 14/15 clicks and sleep phones (cozy brand). The reason for that being that 3 nights ago, the ultrasonic was straight jagged and screaming in my right earphone, which led me to believe I may need new earphones. I dunno, I hesitate to try again without ordering new ones, but the TS track is fine. Not ordering new ones, and not trying again, may be simple resistance, but I don't want to order shit sleeping ear phones again (if that's the issue) and I don't think different brands will be any better. I dunno.
That being said, last night I had the most emotionally depressing/saddest dreams I've had in recollection. My thoughts were, "I've never had this much go wrong for me in a row, for this long." The only dream I remember was one in which my wife was in the hospital, my baby daughter was dead - and had been reabsorbed by my wife's body when we had our next ultrasound. I don't know what that means. I know it's not real, and when I woke up, I wasn't bent outta shape, but I was damn tired. I didn't want to go anywhere all day, I didn't go anywhere (been watching Netflix all day), and tonight I had a few drinks to "take the edge off." We all know that means, "I had a few drinks b/c I couldn't deal with the fear I'm experiencing and don't want to handle."
Anyway, honesty first.
Last night, my wife's family was over again. Went to dinner. Anytime I engaged my SIL, I could sense the change in my gaze. I felt grounded. She was hooked in. She's an ER nurse, and by the end of the night, she was talking about ER cases that involved...vaginas. Why that subject matter? The other topic of the evening, entertained by her and her mother, was affairs. Just weird.
I had to tell my wife off in front of them all again. She kept telling me to do this and that, and I said, "You keep speaking to me as if I'm your servant, and we all know that I'm not that." No response. Silence gives consent, lol.
'Bout it. Going to listen to 3 loops of TS masked Version A again tonight. My wife is at work, though, so I could listen to the hybrid through speaker. I may do that instead...
That being said, last night I had the most emotionally depressing/saddest dreams I've had in recollection. My thoughts were, "I've never had this much go wrong for me in a row, for this long." The only dream I remember was one in which my wife was in the hospital, my baby daughter was dead - and had been reabsorbed by my wife's body when we had our next ultrasound. I don't know what that means. I know it's not real, and when I woke up, I wasn't bent outta shape, but I was damn tired. I didn't want to go anywhere all day, I didn't go anywhere (been watching Netflix all day), and tonight I had a few drinks to "take the edge off." We all know that means, "I had a few drinks b/c I couldn't deal with the fear I'm experiencing and don't want to handle."
Anyway, honesty first.
Last night, my wife's family was over again. Went to dinner. Anytime I engaged my SIL, I could sense the change in my gaze. I felt grounded. She was hooked in. She's an ER nurse, and by the end of the night, she was talking about ER cases that involved...vaginas. Why that subject matter? The other topic of the evening, entertained by her and her mother, was affairs. Just weird.
I had to tell my wife off in front of them all again. She kept telling me to do this and that, and I said, "You keep speaking to me as if I'm your servant, and we all know that I'm not that." No response. Silence gives consent, lol.
'Bout it. Going to listen to 3 loops of TS masked Version A again tonight. My wife is at work, though, so I could listen to the hybrid through speaker. I may do that instead...
