12-15-2016, 02:32 PM
Day 14
I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'll try nonetheless. While DMSI is demanding on me and gives me anxieties most of the time there are these euphoric moments when I can feel the sub working. The greatest event like that happened at the end of my DMSI 2.5 run and minor one happened today. It surprises me why they come and go like that but I love one thing from these moments. And I don't mean high I get but rather the feeling of enormous hope, the realization that I CAN CHANGE and I will in time. I think my subconscious fear change a lot so ideas like that, even if rare, are thousand times better than sitting in constant "you won't get any better anyway" hopeless state of mind I indulge myself in when nothing seem to come my way.
I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'll try nonetheless. While DMSI is demanding on me and gives me anxieties most of the time there are these euphoric moments when I can feel the sub working. The greatest event like that happened at the end of my DMSI 2.5 run and minor one happened today. It surprises me why they come and go like that but I love one thing from these moments. And I don't mean high I get but rather the feeling of enormous hope, the realization that I CAN CHANGE and I will in time. I think my subconscious fear change a lot so ideas like that, even if rare, are thousand times better than sitting in constant "you won't get any better anyway" hopeless state of mind I indulge myself in when nothing seem to come my way.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
