Shannon's Journal Discussion

[Shannon]

Question for Shannon.

You have mentioned many times all over the place about honesty when it comes to relationships and about you telling them that you may sleep with other women if you want to and not hiding that fact.

So do you tell your women that they can do the same or do you tell them to only be loyal to you? I'm guessing it's the same or else it wouldn't be fair now would it? But then again if a man is so alpha he could ask for that or probably better a woman will just remain loyal on her known because he is so alpha.

I'm not worried about "being fair". I am concerned with doing what makes me genuinely happy. And after having been cheated on by every woman ever except my current girlfriend, and possibly the other GF I had while I was dating my current GF, I'm not really concerned with whether or not the women I date care what I do or object. I have developed a very simple system: I am honest and do what makes me happy, and if you don't like that, we can just be friends. I have nothing to lose, so I don't care, because I don't really care if they become more than friends. I'm already fulfilled and happy.

That said, no I do not give them "equal rights" if and when they become my official girlfriend. Any official girlfriend of mine is limited to sex with me and me alone. Partly because I am not done healing the damage done by being cheated on so much yet, and partly because it helps prevent STDs. I have FWB for the free in both directions category, if that doesn't make her happy. Otherwise, not happening. That may change in the future.

The issue i'm having is that i am dating two women right now and they don't know that I am. I'm exclusive without being exclusive. We never made the agreement to be bf/gf, but we told each other we wouldn't like one another seeing other people. This is because if i'm dating someone I don't want them to be fkd by another guy, and I know this is kind of a double standard but whatever. I guess it's in our genes for men to want to fk multiple women but also have those same women be loyal to them.

Oh boy. Cue the dramatic music.

I agree with everything you say about being honest from the start with a woman when it comes to the possibility that you may also have sex with other women. I am good enough to date multiple women but I am not at that alpha level yet where I have no fear of not getting a woman if I tell her that I may not be exclusive right from the start.

Louder on the music...

I think I still have that scarcity mentality where if I do tell her that I fear I won't get her so I rather just get her and lie about my little secret.

I am not a player by any means I don't do one night stands. I prefer the stability of a relationship but I am just not easily satisfied with one woman so I date multiple women.

Besides that question that I asked you what advice would you give me? Since i never made the agreement to be exclusive I am thinking I will tell them both that I may or may not sleep with other women if I choose to and they can leave if they want. But this is only if they bring up the subject of me seeing other women. If not i'll just leave things as they are. What do you think?

You asked for it, so I'll tell you what I think.

I think you're stupid for doing it this way. Women are much more sensitive to communications than men are and they can and will eventually discover both that you are being dishonest and about what. It is almost an inevitability, and it has always been like this.

When she finds out (not if), she will do one of the following things unless you timed her discovery correctly:

• She will pretend not to know, and begin "punishing" you in various subtle ways that make you suffer.
  
• She will leave you, and punish you in various not-subtle ways that make you suffer.
  
• She will flip out and try to kill you.
  

Most women do A, and use your behavior as an excuse to do the same thing to you. Which I assure you, you can't handle, if you can't even handle being honest.

As for you not being a player, what exactly is a player? Someone who "plays" others like an instrument to get from them what is desired without them knowing the whole truth, and therefore being able to make up their own mind what they want to do and choose. This is for the benefit of one person, not both. You, sir, are a player in this case, but don't want to face that fact.

As for advice, I would first and foremost work on self development to overcome the fear and mindset that landed you in this situation. Second, I would think hard about doing one of the following two things:

1. Pro-actively telling them both the whole truth and letting the chips just fall where they may, being completely honest and accepting the consequences, or
   
2. Pro-actively leaving one and then being honest with the other and accepting the consequences.
   

Don't take the weak/beta/weasel way out. You're better than that. And you're only perpetuating the problems you and every other man has with women being distrustful by doing it.