(12-07-2016, 01:37 AM)Shannon Wrote:(12-06-2016, 10:15 PM)RTBoss Wrote: Interesting convo with my wife in bed as we watched a show a little bit ago. In the show, a girl admitted she cheated on her fiance. My wife says, "See, I don't get why she told him. I think it's selfish. All she was doing was projecting her guilt onto the other person."
I dug deeper. "Ok, so your ex, D, cheated on you in high school. Is it because he was so publicly nonchalant about it, that's what made you mad?"
Her: "Yes. I wasn't mad that he slept with someone else. I didn't even care. It's how he went about it, and made me look stupid in front of everyone at school."
Me: "So you felt disrespected because he went about it so publicly and didn't think about how it made people perceive you?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "So if he had been more discreet, you would have been fine with it?"
Her: "Yes."
She asked if I saw where she was coming from, and I said yes. I then said she'd have a responsibility to tell him if she contracted an STD or got pregnant, and "in that case" she (my wife) agreed that THEN you'd say something.
She furthermore said that emotional cheating is much worse than sex. "Sex is just sex, it's not a big deal."
Is my aura bringing these thoughts out of her? She's never been this candid with me on the subject, but she's hinted at some of these things in the past. Now, she's asleep and I'm laying here awake thinking, "Huh, wtf just happened?"
This is how a lot of women think especially when they are paired with an Alpha male. They know that the very reason they are attracted is because they can't control him, and that automatically means he will be attracting and sexing other females also. And they know they have the choice: deal with it, or choose someone else less Alpha. Since Betas bore the fizuck out of women most of the time, and a woman would rather be horribly unhappy than bored, (emotional extremes addiction, you know) she will almost always choose the cheating Alpha as long as he does not make her look bad in the eyes of her social circle.
In other words... as she said... she values your emotional bond, and since your wife apparently does not bond through sex primarily, she does not have a problem with you getting some on the side as long as you come back to her emotionally (she needs emotional security) and you are discreet about it.
This actually happens all the time. Look at the wives of people like Arnold Schwartzenegger. Maria knew he was cheating, and for more than a decade. She accepted it because he was wealthy, powerful, Alpha and famous. But when he went too far, and it became public, she divorced him and she and all her buddies claimed "she didn't know" he was doing this.
Of course it is stupid to put yourself in a position where you have to "cheat" (break the rules you agreed to) to satisfy your natural and innate human urges and instincts. But that's basically what monogamy is. Agreeing to pretend you're not a human in exchange for the fairy tale of monogamy.
I have found that just being honest about what you want and need makes things much easier in life and everybody ends up happy instead of miserable. I would much rather be happy than unhappy, even if it means I have to be single. The good news is, it means nothing of the kind.
It sounds to me like your wife knows what's coming, and she's telling you something here. But you certainly should make sure that there is absolutely no miscommunication between either party before you start acing on an altered set of rules than what you started with.
Good advice and insight, thanks. Now that I think about it, this part of the conversation came after the interviewer on the show asked 4 couples "Who wears the pants?" She said something about controlling the money, and it came to a point where I said, "If you ever try to manipulate with your money, or in any other way, I'll be gone so fast your head will spin! I'll happily live out of my car and take showers at the gym before anyone controls me." She then exclaimed, "You know I would never do that!" The next question after that revealed the girl's cheating confession on the show and the ensuing conversation.
Back to what she was saying, it felt like she was saying, "Read between the lines. I don't want to know, and I don't want to talk about it." So finding a way to talk about it more will be something I think about.
