11-23-2016, 01:51 PM
While taking a rest from DMSI up until new version is out I thought it's a good moment to think what I really want and why I want it. I got tempted by DMSI because at that time I had just finished AM second run and my ex was giving me some serious shit, so basically I wanted to get myself free from her by either f**king my way though life or minding now, hopefully better girlfriend. But lots has changed since then. One thing is clearing in DMSI is kicking my ass right now and makes me much more humble, makes me realize my faults and work on them. Secondly she seems to change as well, her behavior while still not perfect is much more reasonable and countless arguments with her made me realize we love each other way too much to simply let go. We can try but ultimately we will get back together and the problem is we are doing this with expectations and emotional baggage that is bound to screw things up shortly after reunion.
Yesterday I met with her and our mutual friend and it went just as bad as I'd expect. We argued, bad blood was spilled on both of us and while there is still a way back (we were in this situation so many times I can't count) it might be tricky. And so I wonder if in a week or so, when emotions cool down, maybe I should offer her a clean slate, trying things once again from scratch, with no baggage and no expectations. I think she'd agree but the question is if it's the best choice. I think it is, there is no running away from her anyway so I'd rather embrace her than being left in this state of unknown. I know most of you will say to get over her and stop wasting my time (trust me, everyone is telling me this) but if anything I think sub is trying to push me towards her.
I know this: We've tried for too long build our relationship on pride and finally I start to realize not only what was wrong but also how to solve it. If it fails it will be things as usual for me and I keep executing plan from September. I we succeed... Well, I have no idea what will happen but it's gonna be helluva interesting.
Yesterday I met with her and our mutual friend and it went just as bad as I'd expect. We argued, bad blood was spilled on both of us and while there is still a way back (we were in this situation so many times I can't count) it might be tricky. And so I wonder if in a week or so, when emotions cool down, maybe I should offer her a clean slate, trying things once again from scratch, with no baggage and no expectations. I think she'd agree but the question is if it's the best choice. I think it is, there is no running away from her anyway so I'd rather embrace her than being left in this state of unknown. I know most of you will say to get over her and stop wasting my time (trust me, everyone is telling me this) but if anything I think sub is trying to push me towards her.
I know this: We've tried for too long build our relationship on pride and finally I start to realize not only what was wrong but also how to solve it. If it fails it will be things as usual for me and I keep executing plan from September. I we succeed... Well, I have no idea what will happen but it's gonna be helluva interesting.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
