Shannon's Journal Discussion

[RTBoss]

Was it the first date? I don’t think anything’s wrong with making a move on a girl, but you just have to gauge where she’s at, it’s kind of like your leading her through it, like reading someone a story. You just always have to watch where she’s at, if you do too much you give away too much power and she’ll get scared, if you do to little she might feel like she’s wasting her time. Not too hot, not too cold, it just has to be smooth. Don’t see her as a hot girl, just see her a person you’re getting to know, and be the best you. And relax. After a while you can do it like clockwork.

Yeah it was the first date.

And now, this is where it gets confusing and actually gives me a headache every time I try to figure this shit out. But I thought I was supposed to be able to be masculine, "impose my will", set the frame, bring the girl into my reality, and all that shit, but then there's the other aspect of "go at her pace", check in with her, make sure she's ok, etc.

So which is it? I don't get it and it drives me insane (literally. I'm probably more likely to get admitted to a mental hospital than i am to get laid at this point, only slightly joking).

I don't understand how it all works. If I didn't know better, i'd say sleeping with a girl is more an exercise of me getting her to do what she wants, than me doing what i want.

Ok, like Chaos, I wasn't aware you were getting that much interest. Now that's squared away, like you said, let's focus on the next step.

Dating chicks and banging chicks (ONS/FWB/purely sexual) are two completely different pathways to sex. With dates, the purpose is usually to see if you are romantically compatible. The woman is not likely on the date, first and foremost, for sex. If you're looking for someone to call your girlfriend, then by all means, take this path with the awareness that sex likely won't come into the equation for some weeks - until the woman is sure your relationship is "going somewhere" or has potential for the long term.

Hooking up - different story. Meeting women (on the street, online/using an app like Tinder, bars/clubs) who are looking for just sex requires a quick chemistry-compatibility check, and quick escalation. Getting to a private place is paramount, and then from there it's about escalation. So if you say, "You wanna head back to my place?" and she says, "Yes, let's go." it's on. Once you get there, give her the tour that includes your bedroom, and position yourself to kiss her within a relatively short period of time. Some dudes literally just walk into their bedroom and hop into bed and she what she does, lol. Anyway, once you're making out, it should be smooth sailing from that to bra-and-panties on the floor, whether you're in bed, on the couch, or the kitchen table.