Alden attempts EPRHA (36d) ⇌ STM+OAAM

[alden]

Day 19
STM (78h 30m)
DAOS2 2nd Run (29h 5m)

I would say I've done my 3 attempts to game this week. But I'd be honest, I've lost momentum. I felt terrible a while ago. I was inside a mall. There were women there. I knew I could approach them, but I didn't. I couldn't understand why that was happening. Then I felt bad, negativities sinked in. I should've attempted to prolong the little conversations I had, but I didn't. I should've shown sexual intent, but I didn't. I lost my courage. Without courage, there would be no confidence. Without confidence, there would be no inner game. Without inner game, what life is that?

I feel like I couldn't face my wingman and my supportive new friend. They'd be so disappointed. I fear their criticisms. Yeah, I have fears. I gotta fix myself and put my state back to momentum.

But how did this happen? How did I lose momentum?

1. I started that bad habit of postponing my game last Friday. I should've gone to some location. I told my wingman about that. But I didn't. I was tired.
   
2. My eyes hurt. I've been using an expired contact lens, and it irritated my eyes. How could I show a fun aura and a "Don't give a damn" attitude to the woman if I got no control over my eyes' expression?
   
3. I don't have enough energy, the result of introvertedness and being lax about my morning routines.
   
4. I'm creating not just a few bad habits that derail my game practice. Stop them!
   
5. I was thinking too much! Too many shit!
   
6. I've entertained anti-pickup views, by watching anti-pickup YouTube videos. They're infecting my mind unknowingly. What else? I've lost my mind's focus on the game, by immersing my thoughts on global politics, hence entertaining negativities. Stop it! If some ideas prevent you from doing what you've committed yourself to do, ban it!
   
7. I masturbated, hence, reduced my horniness, which is the source of my inner drive to get this area of my life handled.
   
8. Negative thoughts. I need to find a way to gather positive thoughts again.
   

At the root of all these struggles is my expanding ego. Ego is that thing that deals with how other people perceive you. I noticed that my ego expands when there are many people around. Fuck that ego! Curtail it! Having this virus program is not working for my best interest. It helps no one...