10-31-2016, 02:30 PM
Because it's a reflection of the situation inside my head. I don't have the strength to be emotionally vulnerable so I have an ego where I have to be seen a certain way to feel good about myself. This level of ego is called the "social role" so I need to be seen as special by others to feel validated.
I have a certain self image I've cultivated from reactions people have given me and when that gets challenged I fear my progress and everything I've worked for will go down the toilet as well.
I made a post awhile ago when you were gone about how there's this dissonance in my mind. Basically its like I'm the incredible hulk in my subconscious, but consciously I feel like a barbie. It sucks cause I wish I realized how alpha everyone else seems to think I am. Like they all react to my body language and shit but it's like there's something blocking me from actually DOING something with this alphaness. It's like having a nice painting; It looks good, but it doesn't serve a function.
I have a certain self image I've cultivated from reactions people have given me and when that gets challenged I fear my progress and everything I've worked for will go down the toilet as well.
I made a post awhile ago when you were gone about how there's this dissonance in my mind. Basically its like I'm the incredible hulk in my subconscious, but consciously I feel like a barbie. It sucks cause I wish I realized how alpha everyone else seems to think I am. Like they all react to my body language and shit but it's like there's something blocking me from actually DOING something with this alphaness. It's like having a nice painting; It looks good, but it doesn't serve a function.
