(10-13-2016, 11:43 AM)Shannon Wrote: It would be very helpful for me to understand what you saw was going on in your subconscious.
It's funny -- I never mentioned these things before because they felt soooo personal. I'm guessing the clearing had something to do with this, because it's not hard for me to talk about now.
That being said...
My mother is a overbearing, very critical woman. She means well, but she's really loud, commanding and hyper-emotional. Like, her feelings get hurt over the smallest perceived slight. I spent the majority of my childhood walking on egg shells, because if she got mad, that meant a beating at the hands of my otherwise peaceful father was due.
That feeling of constant fear transformed into a constant fear of women's disapproval -- as if their judgment would cause some kind of physical harm to me. I realize now that this fear is one of the main reasons I became an avid martial artist. You'd be a fool to physically attack me at this point, I'd pretty much put you down in seconds. That's how hard I trained, and it's linked to this physical fear.
There was also an incident when my mother shamed me for having an erection after church. There was this girl that I had a serious crush on and I finally made the effort to speak to her. We chatted and she ended up kissing me on the cheek. My mother saw, noticed I had an erection and laughed at me. It wasn't like a "awwww" laugh, it was a straight up mocking laugh, and even took a swipe at my pants. I had completely repressed this memory.
This fear of women's judgment has been holding me back, and is probably responsible for my intimacy issues and how I treated women in the past. To get laid, I literally would consider them human sex dolls. Was very abusive to get to that goal. Yea, I know women like it rough and yada yada, but I never really felt good about going into that state of mind.
This is the stuff the clearing modules were tapping on right before I quit, and it became so overwhelming that I had to stop. Gonna run v2.5 for two - four weeks, then going back to v2.4 (if v3 isn't out) because I need this completely gone.
However, the fact that I can even talk about this stuff is significant progress. Once again, much thanks to you for these life-changing programs, Shannon. Best $114.95 I've ever paid.
EDIT: To answer your question exactly, Shannon, what I saw and heard was basically an abstract image of my subconscious literally arguing with the script as to why it should keep resisting. This manifested on the physical realm as a sudden re-interest in reading manosphere blogs. I was on the red pill for two and three hours a day.
