AM 2011 - Stage 5 - 5 Days
As before, I've had a few days of being really groggy when waking up. It's like my brain is working very hard while I'm asleep to adjust to the new stage.
Gratitude has been on my mind a lot over the past few days. Whether that's leftover from Stage 4 or the beginnings of Stage 5, I don't know. Either way, I've been thinking a lot about the people in my life that have helped me in ways I may not have realized at the time. I'm also becoming more conscious about demonstrating my thanks to people, be it through words or deeds.
It's notable because, while I've always had a focus on it, it's become significantly pronounced over the past week.
On a slightly down note, I had a bit of a crisis of self-awareness on Monday. For a time, I was actually a bit scared of how different a person I am now than I was almost two years ago. I was suddenly afraid that I was losing myself into this new person, whoever he is, that isn't the real me. Fortunately, I calmed down fairly quickly as I realized that the "real" me was just a me that was restrained by a lot more fear and self-esteem issues. This program is pushing me outside of my old comfort zones, and I'm honestly surprised that something like this hasn't happened before now since this is my second time through AM.
Also, I had a slightly unsettling dream. In it, I was a type of incubus preying on the innocent. (Nothing violent, more like a sort of predatory lothario.) I've come to believe it was some form of resistance. I think there's a fear inside me of the parts of the program that deal with interactions with women, seeing as I'm a bit conservative and have always been extraordinarily cautious in that aspect of my life. I know there's nothing bad in the program. Again, it's just me being pushed out of my comfort zone and my subconscious trying to fight to keep things the way they are/were.
As before, I've had a few days of being really groggy when waking up. It's like my brain is working very hard while I'm asleep to adjust to the new stage.
Gratitude has been on my mind a lot over the past few days. Whether that's leftover from Stage 4 or the beginnings of Stage 5, I don't know. Either way, I've been thinking a lot about the people in my life that have helped me in ways I may not have realized at the time. I'm also becoming more conscious about demonstrating my thanks to people, be it through words or deeds.
It's notable because, while I've always had a focus on it, it's become significantly pronounced over the past week.
On a slightly down note, I had a bit of a crisis of self-awareness on Monday. For a time, I was actually a bit scared of how different a person I am now than I was almost two years ago. I was suddenly afraid that I was losing myself into this new person, whoever he is, that isn't the real me. Fortunately, I calmed down fairly quickly as I realized that the "real" me was just a me that was restrained by a lot more fear and self-esteem issues. This program is pushing me outside of my old comfort zones, and I'm honestly surprised that something like this hasn't happened before now since this is my second time through AM.
Also, I had a slightly unsettling dream. In it, I was a type of incubus preying on the innocent. (Nothing violent, more like a sort of predatory lothario.) I've come to believe it was some form of resistance. I think there's a fear inside me of the parts of the program that deal with interactions with women, seeing as I'm a bit conservative and have always been extraordinarily cautious in that aspect of my life. I know there's nothing bad in the program. Again, it's just me being pushed out of my comfort zone and my subconscious trying to fight to keep things the way they are/were.
