09-30-2016, 08:37 AM
(This post was last modified: 09-30-2016, 08:42 AM by AlphaScorpio.)
Day 25
-Dreamt that I saw my chest area in my body, it was cracked and frayed around the edges, as I peeked closer into my chest I saw my organs, my heart beating etc. I felt so sad looking at it. Broken heart stuff.
-Black girl started my course at college today, noticed her looking at me several times, she was 6-7/10 nice enough looking. I was sitting in the canteen at break and I saw her look over at me and stare at me for about 3-4 seconds I was like woah. During my lesson she made eye contact several times, when we were walking past each other (I'm in a workshop for carpentry) she would give me side glances. she was attracted for sure.
-I have lots of fear and resistance coming to the surface, I am shit scared of relationships, not letting people get close to my torn heart except for a select few, definitely healing going on. Just hope someday I can reconnect with types of people who have hurt me in the past.
-Fear of rejection is coming up with an intensity at random times, It just gets triggered for some reason.
-Mood changes fairly drasticly during the day.
-Switched to FLAC ocean surf last night.
-More IOIs in general.
-Giving less shit about IOIs
-Jealously coming up too, I'm possesive of people I havent even talked to haha
-Dreamt that I saw my chest area in my body, it was cracked and frayed around the edges, as I peeked closer into my chest I saw my organs, my heart beating etc. I felt so sad looking at it. Broken heart stuff.
-Black girl started my course at college today, noticed her looking at me several times, she was 6-7/10 nice enough looking. I was sitting in the canteen at break and I saw her look over at me and stare at me for about 3-4 seconds I was like woah. During my lesson she made eye contact several times, when we were walking past each other (I'm in a workshop for carpentry) she would give me side glances. she was attracted for sure.
-I have lots of fear and resistance coming to the surface, I am shit scared of relationships, not letting people get close to my torn heart except for a select few, definitely healing going on. Just hope someday I can reconnect with types of people who have hurt me in the past.
-Fear of rejection is coming up with an intensity at random times, It just gets triggered for some reason.
-Mood changes fairly drasticly during the day.
-Switched to FLAC ocean surf last night.
-More IOIs in general.
-Giving less shit about IOIs
-Jealously coming up too, I'm possesive of people I havent even talked to haha
