Shannon's Journal Discussion

[Shannon]

Shannon, I saw your recent post in Dzemoo's journal and I could really use some advice.. Where do you draw the line between honesty and neediness? The oneitis I've mentioned prior, when we were hooking up everything was going fine until she had to cancel some plans and I got a little needy and asked her if she had lost interest. She said no and that she'd just been busy and stressed but it was the beginning of the end. Anyway last night I was at a party, first time seeing her after 4 months no contact. It went exactly how I wanted it to go, I was the life of the party (thank you dsmi), I flirted with other girls in front of her another girl was literally touching my abs when she looked over. Her and I ended up having a good flirty chat, and she's sent me a few snapchats since, nothing suggestive, but we were complete no contact before the party. This brings me to my original question.. if I was to be honest I would message her and say I missed her and want to see her, but that's the kind of needy thing that has pushed girls away from me in the past. In my experience the girls who have stuck around are the ones I haven't cared about and I was indifferent to. And certainly things were going great with this girl when I was chill and barely contacting her between meets but I was hiding my feelings, I wanted a relationship. So how honest can one really be, when past experience dictates that feigning indifference works better?

You're thinking the world is black and white. It's not.

You always want to be honest, yes, but that doesn't mean you have to tell her everything you are thinking.

When I see a woman who is stunningly beautiful to me, do I run over and tell her she's stunningly beautiful to me? Hell no! I usually keep my mouth tightly shut on that until significantly after we have started dating and after we have started having sex, and if I comment on it (which is far from guaranteed), I will adjust the comment to what she will most benefit from hearing. If she is not very good looking, you can give her a bigger compliment than if she is, because the compliment has to match what she will believe and respect. Stunners usually get betas gushing about how hot they are, so she will associate that with a beta, and therefore, you want to calibrate to whatever she associates with how you want to be perceived. You might never compliment her at all, or you might say, "Yeah, that outfit looks alright," but you don't want to gush and be (or seem) needy.

If you're feeling something and you want to tell her, and you know she will perceive it as being insecure, beta, needy, etc... you always have the option to keep your mouth shut!

In other words...

You can always remain honest without having to say anything at all, unless by keeping your mouth shut you are lying by omission.

It's not so much about being honest, as knowing how much information to share. Too much information is just as bad as too little.