Day 14 (141h 47m)↓
No interesting activity happened today. (But there's something kind of creepy which I prefer to withhold for now haha.)
Then I had a dream. It's a dream about a woman I still like who later confessed (for real) that she liked me as well, though I never had more than a platonic kiss on the cheek; I got friendzoned. In this dream, however, I'm having sex with her whenever and wherever there's a chance.
She offers tiny resistance to my advances. So I'm having it all. I'm playing with her pussy over and over. The thing that makes it so exciting is because we're having it without commitment, we're just friends, we're just workmates. None of the people around us has a bit of idea of what we're doing when they look away.
Every time there's a window of opportunity to be private, even with friends, colleagues, and a boss nearby, we play with each other, like kids. I just remembered, this is how I was like as a kid. I played with female neighbors and I was always the one initiating the pleasurable games. I touched, kissed, hugged, poured lotion on them. That kept going until I was caught kissing a girl neighbor's pussy and I was beaten with a broomstick, castigated, and humiliated in front of people for being a sinful 5-year old. That marked the start of my detachment from sexual interaction with females. I did my best to build a nice boy reputation, and I succeeded, only to sabotage myself later on. I realize that in our clan, except for my father, I am the only one who'd been a nice guy.
In all our sexcapades, I'm the one initiating the sex. She offers tiny resistance but eventually succumbs. Let me repeat, this was a dream.
I woke up and stayed on the bed for a little while. My head hurts, probably due to the 48 hours I spent awake days before yesterday, or my mystical introduction to Qaballa last night or simply because I'd slept for 10 hours (which isn't so uncommon since I left my job). I can't remember having a headache for the past 2 years.
Then automatically, I fantasized that I'm having an enjoyable sexual encounter with a specific girl, who I often notice outside. That helped relieve my headache. I didn't fap.
Yesterday's listening time is 2 hours and 17 minutes, just to be safe. I slept with my headset on my ear, but when I woke up, it's not there. Yesterday's overall mood is a 3 of 10. I feel so unproductive!
No interesting activity happened today. (But there's something kind of creepy which I prefer to withhold for now haha.)
Then I had a dream. It's a dream about a woman I still like who later confessed (for real) that she liked me as well, though I never had more than a platonic kiss on the cheek; I got friendzoned. In this dream, however, I'm having sex with her whenever and wherever there's a chance.
She offers tiny resistance to my advances. So I'm having it all. I'm playing with her pussy over and over. The thing that makes it so exciting is because we're having it without commitment, we're just friends, we're just workmates. None of the people around us has a bit of idea of what we're doing when they look away.
Every time there's a window of opportunity to be private, even with friends, colleagues, and a boss nearby, we play with each other, like kids. I just remembered, this is how I was like as a kid. I played with female neighbors and I was always the one initiating the pleasurable games. I touched, kissed, hugged, poured lotion on them. That kept going until I was caught kissing a girl neighbor's pussy and I was beaten with a broomstick, castigated, and humiliated in front of people for being a sinful 5-year old. That marked the start of my detachment from sexual interaction with females. I did my best to build a nice boy reputation, and I succeeded, only to sabotage myself later on. I realize that in our clan, except for my father, I am the only one who'd been a nice guy.
In all our sexcapades, I'm the one initiating the sex. She offers tiny resistance but eventually succumbs. Let me repeat, this was a dream.
I woke up and stayed on the bed for a little while. My head hurts, probably due to the 48 hours I spent awake days before yesterday, or my mystical introduction to Qaballa last night or simply because I'd slept for 10 hours (which isn't so uncommon since I left my job). I can't remember having a headache for the past 2 years.
Then automatically, I fantasized that I'm having an enjoyable sexual encounter with a specific girl, who I often notice outside. That helped relieve my headache. I didn't fap.
Yesterday's listening time is 2 hours and 17 minutes, just to be safe. I slept with my headset on my ear, but when I woke up, it's not there. Yesterday's overall mood is a 3 of 10. I feel so unproductive!
"I am developing into a high value Alpha Male..."
![[Image: img?u=5733110570287104]](https://pmo-tracker.appspot.com/img?u=5733110570287104)
