Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon

[Why So Serious?]

Woke up this morning angry and frustrated. I was thinking about the programming homework that I can't get and the job. Then it hit me that I have a fear of failure. I knew I had it but I could never pinpoint what areas of my life it affected.

So how do I work on that?

So far I keep telling myself it's okay if I fail. It might only be this project and the rest will be okay. Even if it isn't it's still okay. As long as I don't give up and give it my all it will be okay.

I'm not sure if that's the right way to go about it. Any suggestions?

Sounds good to me. If you want to take it a step further there is no such thing as failure, only a constant journey of learning from our mistakes. It's better to do your best and make mistakes than avoid things because of a fear of failure.

Okay to good to know I'm on the right track.

I'm still on break from E2 and I'm enjoying it. I still have my ups and downs but I'm starting to feel the sub settling in. No not everything is worked on but I'm okay with that for the time being.

I'm starting to figure out when I'm being negative and trying to prevent it. I just don't know how yet. I guess I would have to start cutting people out of my life. I'm not sure there is a nice way to do it.

I'm back to listening to self improvement books. Thought that would never happen.

I have my moments where I get close to family where I'm open. It's only last a moment but I'll take it. Better than being closed off all the time. I'm asking how certain people are doing. I'm thinking about other family members now and what's going on with them.

I actually felt like something deep got sorted out earlier today. I just don't know what it was.

I seem to be having difficult time coming to terms with the degree I'm getting. I always saw myself being an artist but I have to honest with myself it's something I could do for a living. I should have got the hint when I was running MLS when both of my wrist starting hurting. Still hurts my feelz. I know I can do it if wanted to. I would just be miserable if I did.

That means that folks are right whatever you naturally gravitated to when you were young is something to consider when making a choice about careers. Kind of depressing in a strange way. I guess because I didn't see myself this way. I also should have taken a hint from Mark Mansons blog post where he ask how would you rather suffer.

This going to take some time to accepting this part of myself.