08-30-2016, 08:37 PM
There really isn't much to report. Just began school, and pretty much getting all the stuff I planned out. The first class was awesome, at least it seems that it will be really good for me as it seems to match much with my interests, and the stuff I have been thinking about for a while.
Today's a bit odd. I don't want to use the word depressed, but lack of better word, perhaps depressed is a best word to use now. I wasn't depressed, but I just pretty much turned out to be depressed. Well, what's going on? Good question. I suppose I can say I may be in philosophical mode, or Buddhist like mode, starting to question and thinking about what I have done so far, thinking about what I want to do, and plan to do, while feeling that it really doesn't matter, doubting its values and etc. (I'm not really describing this stuff well. This state would perhaps be better explained in my language. I find that for certain situations English works better for me while some other situations Korean works better.)
While this is going on, I am also feeling the very strong desire for romance, or something more like being in madly with love, the love that is like destined love. Meeting the love out of no where that can be only explained by destiny. Beautiful, and yet madly in love, feeling loving someone else, while feeling being loved by this person, seems to be what I want at the moment. This is quite funny as I remember having similar feeling (the romantic part), which made me stop listening to Manifest Perfect Sexual Lover (5G). The difference is that this time, I don't feel the need/want to stop the program, but just reminded the stuff I wanted.
Part of me know that finding and being in love like that of the ones in legend, novels, and/or movies, doesn't happen in real life. Nonetheless, that seems to be the one I really want. Is this some random spike of ASD issue? (Alongside with the time to looking back at my life and the future) Whether it is ASD or not, I now that I sometimes get into these type of thinking, which isn't necessarily bad or anything, but what is interesting is that this one seems to be totally coming out from random, without any trigger or stimulating factors. Well, hopefully it gets better tomorrow. It can last days, or just hours. Nonetheless, that's my current thought/feeling.
Today's a bit odd. I don't want to use the word depressed, but lack of better word, perhaps depressed is a best word to use now. I wasn't depressed, but I just pretty much turned out to be depressed. Well, what's going on? Good question. I suppose I can say I may be in philosophical mode, or Buddhist like mode, starting to question and thinking about what I have done so far, thinking about what I want to do, and plan to do, while feeling that it really doesn't matter, doubting its values and etc. (I'm not really describing this stuff well. This state would perhaps be better explained in my language. I find that for certain situations English works better for me while some other situations Korean works better.)
While this is going on, I am also feeling the very strong desire for romance, or something more like being in madly with love, the love that is like destined love. Meeting the love out of no where that can be only explained by destiny. Beautiful, and yet madly in love, feeling loving someone else, while feeling being loved by this person, seems to be what I want at the moment. This is quite funny as I remember having similar feeling (the romantic part), which made me stop listening to Manifest Perfect Sexual Lover (5G). The difference is that this time, I don't feel the need/want to stop the program, but just reminded the stuff I wanted.
Part of me know that finding and being in love like that of the ones in legend, novels, and/or movies, doesn't happen in real life. Nonetheless, that seems to be the one I really want. Is this some random spike of ASD issue? (Alongside with the time to looking back at my life and the future) Whether it is ASD or not, I now that I sometimes get into these type of thinking, which isn't necessarily bad or anything, but what is interesting is that this one seems to be totally coming out from random, without any trigger or stimulating factors. Well, hopefully it gets better tomorrow. It can last days, or just hours. Nonetheless, that's my current thought/feeling.
