08-19-2016, 06:45 PM
Sadness is still looming a bit. Today I got up infront of 60 people and did a presentation. Even though the people around me weren't validating they weren't really giving me attention either I can tell by this I did well. I want life to go well but it seems I have to get used to this pain. I must be dredging up a lot of shit because even though I get what I want, I'm perceived how I want, I do what I want "I" doesn't always seem to be right. I'm left here sad and somewhat alone with a room full of people. It's getting better. This will get me to where I'm going. There are some women who I have a good relationship with, considered hooking up with (red head ) then I reconsider remembering that "am I settling?" Or should I hook up with her because I deserve the pleasure then people in a third party see the two of us and reccomend it. Saying she's cute and the wife type I shoot a message out only to rmbr I'm not genuinely attracted. I'm all fucked up lol while other women that are a bit more attractive try to manipulate me, use me for social value, are negative while I womanize them and see through the bullshit.
