Day 128:
Often I feel that I'm getting worse on E2. Depression and apathy persist.
I went to the beach a few times. I thought I would feel better from going, but I felt only a little better. Things that once brought me some joy now do very little.
I often feel like there's something wrong with my brain, something that doesn't let me understand certain things. It feels incredibly frustrating.
I turned up the masked track volume from 65% to 80% a few days ago on my player that I use while I sleep. Ever since then my dreams have been mostly nightmares.
I think that on some level I enjoy feeling like shit since I don't have any desire to do anything about my shitty situation.
Not every day is sunshine and rainbows, life will hit you in the balls when your hands are in the air from joy. I have had a few good days too, however recently they have been outweighed by days as today.
EDIT: Something odd that I observed recently is that while my brother and sister get exposed for 2-4h a day (which is the time I use ultrasonic for), they seem to be improving much faster than I am on 10-14h. Will keep my eye on that.
Often I feel that I'm getting worse on E2. Depression and apathy persist.
I went to the beach a few times. I thought I would feel better from going, but I felt only a little better. Things that once brought me some joy now do very little.
I often feel like there's something wrong with my brain, something that doesn't let me understand certain things. It feels incredibly frustrating.
I turned up the masked track volume from 65% to 80% a few days ago on my player that I use while I sleep. Ever since then my dreams have been mostly nightmares.
I think that on some level I enjoy feeling like shit since I don't have any desire to do anything about my shitty situation.
Not every day is sunshine and rainbows, life will hit you in the balls when your hands are in the air from joy. I have had a few good days too, however recently they have been outweighed by days as today.
EDIT: Something odd that I observed recently is that while my brother and sister get exposed for 2-4h a day (which is the time I use ultrasonic for), they seem to be improving much faster than I am on 10-14h. Will keep my eye on that.
