07-15-2016, 08:46 PM
Day 22
July 15
Ocean Wave sounds
vol 15- 7 hours whilst sleeping
vol 15 - 30 min whilst awake
Total listen time 7.5 hours
So one thing today I noticed was that I was usually anxious or afraid or irrationally not wanting to go somewhere being stubborn or immature wanting to avoid going there. Or the day before the event, I always felt nervous or anxious before the event ever came about wondering irrationally what was to happen.
Today, I felt calm.....the day before the event, I didn't get anxious, I didn't dread it. I just went to the event and was ever so calm. Relaxed. Did not have irrational fears, did not get anxious, did not act stubborn with the parents not wanting to go.....It has got to be EPHRA, it just has got to be.
I usually would get nervous with butterflies in my stomach but nope. The day before the event, did not feel it. Just remained calm, stayed asleep like it was gonna be another day.
I even was not nervous about this person at the event calling out my name for some stuff going on about me that I will not mention....ah what the hell, okay so I am pre engaged to get married to a woman I dont want to be with.....that's beside the point. Maybe I might rant about it another time on the chatterbox. Anyway, I didnt feel nervous about them calling my name or ashamed. If they asked me to stand up for the crowd, I guess I was ready for that too without feeling shyness or shame I think.
I have 10 days before ending EPHRA and beginning AM 6. I even felt calm and making a statement to my family with others present without feeling shame or shyness about it or irrational fears....(not calling them out just making a playful statement). Happily they didnt say no comments back and just stayed quiet (I guess it was a serious situation quiet) Or they would usually (especially my sister or mom) say something that would make me feel bad and nothing came out of their mouth.
The only thing EPHRA on the outside is doing for me, I think, is feeling calmness even if irrational fears for many other things is still present. I don't think I remember any dreams.
July 15
Ocean Wave sounds
vol 15- 7 hours whilst sleeping
vol 15 - 30 min whilst awake
Total listen time 7.5 hours
So one thing today I noticed was that I was usually anxious or afraid or irrationally not wanting to go somewhere being stubborn or immature wanting to avoid going there. Or the day before the event, I always felt nervous or anxious before the event ever came about wondering irrationally what was to happen.
Today, I felt calm.....the day before the event, I didn't get anxious, I didn't dread it. I just went to the event and was ever so calm. Relaxed. Did not have irrational fears, did not get anxious, did not act stubborn with the parents not wanting to go.....It has got to be EPHRA, it just has got to be.
I usually would get nervous with butterflies in my stomach but nope. The day before the event, did not feel it. Just remained calm, stayed asleep like it was gonna be another day.
I even was not nervous about this person at the event calling out my name for some stuff going on about me that I will not mention....ah what the hell, okay so I am pre engaged to get married to a woman I dont want to be with.....that's beside the point. Maybe I might rant about it another time on the chatterbox. Anyway, I didnt feel nervous about them calling my name or ashamed. If they asked me to stand up for the crowd, I guess I was ready for that too without feeling shyness or shame I think.
I have 10 days before ending EPHRA and beginning AM 6. I even felt calm and making a statement to my family with others present without feeling shame or shyness about it or irrational fears....(not calling them out just making a playful statement). Happily they didnt say no comments back and just stayed quiet (I guess it was a serious situation quiet) Or they would usually (especially my sister or mom) say something that would make me feel bad and nothing came out of their mouth.
The only thing EPHRA on the outside is doing for me, I think, is feeling calmness even if irrational fears for many other things is still present. I don't think I remember any dreams.