07-14-2016, 04:03 PM
The GSF module in DMSI is working a number on me today. I'm exhausted as all hell. I'm only awake because I spammed the hell out of my nootropic mixture, added some Adrafinil to the mix. Thanks to my AM6 training, however, this resistance isn't nearly as bad as some of the moments I've had in the past. Either that, or there's something in DMSI's GSF module that's preventing me from experiencing it like I have.
Just fell asleep for a few hours and had a dream that doesn't SOUND disturbing, but I find myself absolutely terrified just thinking about it.
I walked in my room and the power outlet on the wall was covered in ants. But, they weren't just regular ants. They were all blue and furry. They were absorbing the electricity from the outlet. I went to get some spray and a shoe to try and kill them, and they all started attacking me. The weird thing was, they could jump and fly. I was pretty much useless in fighting them off. Got bit to death.
This is the first time in a LONG TIME that I've had a dream like that. Growing up, I used to have this reoccurring dream about this entity that looked like the statue of a Roman emperor, and it would torture me. Halfway through my first AM6 run, I had a dream where I finally broke free and destroyed this entity. Never had the dream again. Since then, I haven't had any dreams where I was helpless against an assailant like that.
This leads me to believe that I have some very deep issues that need to be dealt with. Something so deep that even a powerhouse like AM6 can't touch. After CatMan's revelation -- and I commend him for his bravery in talking about it publicly -- I feel compelled to mention that I believe something similar has happened to me and I'm repressing it.
In S3 of my first AM6 run, I was walking around in San Francisco when all of a sudden, my mind was momentarily filled with images of someone (don't know who, but it had a feminine energy) doing something to me (seriously, don't know, but I know it was sexual) and I didn't like it. The images were so powerful that I fell to my knees and started sobbing. Fortunately, I was in the middle of the Tenderloin (if you know San Francisco, you're probably cracking up right now), so no one turned an eye to me. It only lasted a few moments, then faded.
There is something lurking deep within my mind. Ever since I was a child, I've always felt inferior to other people. Even before the racism. I felt like I attracted nothing but poverty, because I WAS poverty in every sense of the word. And it's affected my entire life.
I've grown tired of this. I feel like AM6 has brought me up to a decent baseline, but I always have this lingering sense of fear and inferiority in the back of my mind. If anyone's played that video game, The Phantom Pain, that's the best way I can describe it. It's there, forever f*cking with my life.
I see E2 and a third run of AM6 in my near future.
Just fell asleep for a few hours and had a dream that doesn't SOUND disturbing, but I find myself absolutely terrified just thinking about it.
I walked in my room and the power outlet on the wall was covered in ants. But, they weren't just regular ants. They were all blue and furry. They were absorbing the electricity from the outlet. I went to get some spray and a shoe to try and kill them, and they all started attacking me. The weird thing was, they could jump and fly. I was pretty much useless in fighting them off. Got bit to death.
This is the first time in a LONG TIME that I've had a dream like that. Growing up, I used to have this reoccurring dream about this entity that looked like the statue of a Roman emperor, and it would torture me. Halfway through my first AM6 run, I had a dream where I finally broke free and destroyed this entity. Never had the dream again. Since then, I haven't had any dreams where I was helpless against an assailant like that.
This leads me to believe that I have some very deep issues that need to be dealt with. Something so deep that even a powerhouse like AM6 can't touch. After CatMan's revelation -- and I commend him for his bravery in talking about it publicly -- I feel compelled to mention that I believe something similar has happened to me and I'm repressing it.
In S3 of my first AM6 run, I was walking around in San Francisco when all of a sudden, my mind was momentarily filled with images of someone (don't know who, but it had a feminine energy) doing something to me (seriously, don't know, but I know it was sexual) and I didn't like it. The images were so powerful that I fell to my knees and started sobbing. Fortunately, I was in the middle of the Tenderloin (if you know San Francisco, you're probably cracking up right now), so no one turned an eye to me. It only lasted a few moments, then faded.
There is something lurking deep within my mind. Ever since I was a child, I've always felt inferior to other people. Even before the racism. I felt like I attracted nothing but poverty, because I WAS poverty in every sense of the word. And it's affected my entire life.
I've grown tired of this. I feel like AM6 has brought me up to a decent baseline, but I always have this lingering sense of fear and inferiority in the back of my mind. If anyone's played that video game, The Phantom Pain, that's the best way I can describe it. It's there, forever f*cking with my life.
I see E2 and a third run of AM6 in my near future.
