(07-11-2016, 07:09 AM)Dilettante Wrote: Shannon is right. I was very angry when I was young and I've since mellowed with age becuz I realize it was pointless, draining and exhausting. i was not productive career wise becuz I focus on the anger rather than the solution to my problems. this made me missed an opportunity to be wealthy, happy, and ina great relationship in my 20s. even today I still have to find reminding myself that anger is like a poison that I take expecting my enemy to die.
Same. I was literally just talking to someone about this. I don't really believe in soulmates. Not that you can't have a "soulmate" bond with someone -- but that there's only one soulmate for you.
But if soulmates exist, this woman I hung out with in 2014 was it. We had a connection that I've never experienced before, EVER and have never experienced since then.
She even told my best friend that she was madly in love with me, but I was so consumed with rage, anger and fear that I kept pushing her away, never letting her get close. To this day, she still tells our mutual friends how she misses our bond, but for logistical reasons, it'd be hard to pursue anything with her.
I don't want to say that I missed my chance, because I could rekindle something with her and I'm attempting to do so... but I might've missed my chance.
After the incident that happened the other night (which spread into my real life), I vowed to let go of this anger. Trust me, my entire life -- from childhood to now -- has been shaped and molded by pain and hatred and rage. Every decision I've made (from martial arts, to what I studied in school) was shaped by this anger to "get back at the world."
It's not working for me. Never did. I want more. Just the other day, I was meditating and began mourning for the person I was once upon a time. When I was a child, I had aspirations of become that "wise alpha," because I felt that I had a very strong connection with the universe. And then, I let that anger twist me into something else, something perverted, where I used that "connection" with the universe to manipulate and harm others.
It's time to let it go, walk a new path. If I can do it, I know others can.
