Shannon's Journal Discussion

[Shannon]

Chaos, much respect.

When I was, unbeknownst to me, being tested for qualification for Master class training, I was given a set of challenges that tested me to the very core. My superiors wanted to see what I would do with the kind of power that level of knowledge would give me, so they threw at me several experiences designed to force my hand and reveal who and what I really am.

Did those experiences make me angry? Abso-*****-lutely. I have spent my lifetime since, more than 2 decades, dissolving that anger.

Did I want to kill over it? Hell yes I did.

Was how they tested me fair? No ***** way. I will be damaged physically for the rest of my life. Ironically, they patterned the effects of some of my tests after the effects of my favorite fantasy character, Raistlin Majere. My lungs are permanently damaged, and extremely sensitive now, and unless I find a way to change that, they always will be. I smell another challenge there, but that's another story.

The point I am making is that they wanted to see if I have the self control I needed to be safe teaching that sort of knowledge to. They wanted to know what I really believe deep down. They wanted to see how strong I really am, when tempted, when angry, when pushed to my most extreme limits in terms of frustration, anger, mistreatment, exhaustion and other ways.

The passing grade only came because I mastered my anger, instead of allowing it to master me. I didn't use my knowledge or power or skill to harm anyone else. Instead, I left those who had done me wrong to their own well-earned just desserts. Someone wiser than I would make a better judge for them, I concluded. And it took some time, but those people all got what was coming to them. One even died homeless, penniless and drug addicted in a gutter - a worse fate than I would ever have wished on her. Had I had my druthers, her life would have ended quite rapidly. Instead, I later found out, she suffered unbelievably for over a decade before she died. And the others suffered in other ways, just as much.

But in the mean time, because I had released them, I wasn't wasting my time trying to "get even". I continued to grow, advance, and become even better, stronger, more skilled and more successful. And one of the seeds that grew out of those tests was this business. Because those lung issues I have forced me to find a way to make a living outside the military, firefighters, police or some other more conventional way of making a positive impact on society.

The seeds of my potential for making a positive difference in this world grew out of some of the greatest injustices anyone could have been forced to endure. And that is what I am talking about. Turn it into motivation to remove from the world the injustice that was done to you, and do it in a positive way.

i too would like to know about this master class training, and why such a training was so dark in its core. It doesn't add up to me.

but thank you Shannon, for being transparent about your past on this issue. It gives me a greater understanding and greater sense of empathy for why you do what you do, the way you do it.

The more dangerous the knowledge, the more care is required in making sure that only those who would use it wisely and for the good of all have access to it. At the highest levels of mastery in some such subjects, the testing is all or nothing: you live if you pass, and you remove the threat you pose by dying if you fail. Even those who pass are usually scarred physically and emotionally in some way or ways as a result of the extreme challenge these tests present. I was relatively lucky among those who I can consider equals for having passed similar tests; I only suffered scarred lungs and incredible anger and hurt emotionally. There are those having passed these tests who have suffered far worse fates than I.