Shannon's Journal Discussion

[LionKing]

but I'm just not sure I understand where its taking me enough to trust it

It? It is just a set of instructions that will guide you to a state of being healed, and emotionally happy and healthy. I think you "don't trust it" because you want what you want more than you want what you need, and you're afraid you might not be able to get what you want after you get what you need.

Build a house on sand, or build it on stone. Takes the same time to build the house itself. But the house lasts a lot longer on stone because that is what it needs to stay strong.

I think you are correct that I ""don't trust it" because you want what you want more than you want what you need, and you're afraid you might not be able to get what you want after you get what you need.". This is sort of what I was trying to describe.

But what is it that I "need", and why do I need it?

If I'm running E2, the why is to get to "a state of being healed, and emotionally happy and healthy", also regenerating, etc. What I need then could be something like feeding the birds, living quietly out by the countryside, maybe finding a nice girl to settle down with and live with a nice large family where everything is open and shared. Take up wood working. Maybe that is happiness, honestly idk.

If I was running SM/AM, the why would be something like to get to a state of being totally confident, sexually charged, playful, and driven to seek and actively carve out what I want and enjoy in life, powerful and influential. And therefore what I need would also be different, correct? What I need is to get on with it. Heal enough so that I don't do these things out of competition and trying to prove myself, but because I want to experience this life from this pov that I most enjoy. Deal with the GSF that's immediately in front of me, then push in and spearhead my way forward. How does this guy think about switching over to live like the E2 guy? What about the other way around?

As I understand, E2 does not have programming in it to consider that I'll eventually (well, quickly) want to reach the latter states. So the fear is that this wood worker, this now emotionally committed, bird feeding, calm & quiet man who apparently likes to sleep in every day will look at the AM/SM goals and say "why would I want that?". And then, the house never got built at all.

I don't want to be d***, complaining about a program that clearly works for what it does. In 3 months, E2 has already helped me open up in a way. Probably made me kinder, more understanding, less nervous. Thing is, its not gonna be done until its done all the way, and I'm thinking I should jump back now or almost now, and start heading towards my original direction. But of course E2 is bringing up some stuff, and now I feel "bad" for getting off of it. So I'm stuck, and it feels I should already be going about the building part since I've already temporarily lived in those states I want - just want to make consistent.