The Modern Libertine's diary

[Cortez]

I met the first girl in stage 4 of the alpha set. I was at a point where I really was very much enjoying the void that comes with masculine energy therefore I was extremely dominant and blunt. This girl is extremely feminine and so, naturally it was an easy match. It was my relationship with her, however that made me realize that it's time for me to experience some kind of deeper intimacy, because we had an extremely sexual relationship. We could be together for more than five minutes it seemed without getting sexual, but we didn't necessarily have the same sense of humor or type of personality and so we often times didn't have much to talk about. The one thing we really were totally on the same page about was the fact that neither of us really wanted a relationship at that point in time and that was an unspoken thing. We never even really had that talk because when we started seeing each other, she had already made plans to move to Korea in few months time to teach English, but those plans fell through and so our relationship was extended. It was very much a day by day thing, which I believe any good relationship should be, but , there just wasn't the kind of connection I really wanted. Since the sex wasn't enough(God help, I never thought I'd say that) I even got tired of that after a while, as good as it was. So that was a good lesson to learn and it definitely helped me to grow.

RainbowAbyss, I'm very much enjoying this honest approach. I respect myself a hell of a lot more because of it. The way I see it is, if you aren't honest and you get the girl, you STILL lose, bottom line, because you haven't earned the right to have respect for yourself. One thing I've been noticing lately since I have been more honest with myself and everyone around me, as well starting to meditate more, is that I'm starting to be able to tell what kind of people are operating out of honesty and which ones aren't. This goes beyond girls. I feel like I need to live my life being as loving as I can for the sake of it. I get enough attraction from women wherever I go now, that I don't really need to worry about them. I've found that women will present themselves to you everywhere you go as long as you're authentic and when you know what you want then you can qualify them to know if there's something good there between you or not. Besides...there's another girl I'm talking to now and she's much sweeter and prettier.