06-03-2011, 02:27 AM
Hey Spiral, it's cool that you are on the journey of overcoming approach anxiety. I thought I might share something that has helped me when I did that.
What I found out when I wanted to get more social, talk to girls and whatever and it was hard for me is that I that I also avoided doing other things all the time, daily. For example at my school they had some booths with people representing different companies, where you could go up and talk to them and ask them stuff. They were also giving out a special bag with free drinks, notebooks, soap and some other small stuff for those who came up and talked to them. I wanted to get a bag of the free stuff but didn’t really want to talk to them. So when I got the desire to do that a thought came up “Oh, they'll think I’m rude for just going up and taking a bag without trying to talk to them and have a conversation”. I just said fuck it and went and picked one up. Later my friend told me the woman standing there gave me a angry stare, whatever haha. Another one that happened to me recently was that I was standing in line to get to the club and it was a long line and I didn't want to stand there. I saw that a guy I knew worked as the bouncer and I thought "maybe I should ask him if he would let me in", but then I thought "well I don't want to disturb him, I mean I don't really know him too well and I can stand in line, it's not that long" I realized this and said fuck it and just went up to him, he was super friendly and let me in, no problem.
The thing is I used to to this all the time and just surrender to my excuse. Like I was at a club and I was wondering what time the club closes and theres some staff standing next to me but I don’t ask because I find some excuse not to like “I’ll just find out later”.
This may seem minor but I became aware of it and realized I had this happening to me all day. I'd have a desire, but a second after that an excuse would come up for not doing it. And this shit would add up during the day and I realized I was avoiding stuff all day.
THEN I see some girls or people that I want to talk to but I can't, I have approach anxiety. I beat myself up and am angry that I have approach anxiety and I really need to work on that. Well, the reason is that I’ve been avoiding and making excuses even before I started to think about approaching, even before I got to the club, actually, I have been avoiding stuff all day! And all this small bullshit stuff that builds up and creates momentum to build up anxiety and fear. I became aware of that, stopped it before it gained momentum and consciously started doing what I wanted and before I knew it approaching became easy.
Anyway, I thought my experience might help you in some way. Good luck.
What I found out when I wanted to get more social, talk to girls and whatever and it was hard for me is that I that I also avoided doing other things all the time, daily. For example at my school they had some booths with people representing different companies, where you could go up and talk to them and ask them stuff. They were also giving out a special bag with free drinks, notebooks, soap and some other small stuff for those who came up and talked to them. I wanted to get a bag of the free stuff but didn’t really want to talk to them. So when I got the desire to do that a thought came up “Oh, they'll think I’m rude for just going up and taking a bag without trying to talk to them and have a conversation”. I just said fuck it and went and picked one up. Later my friend told me the woman standing there gave me a angry stare, whatever haha. Another one that happened to me recently was that I was standing in line to get to the club and it was a long line and I didn't want to stand there. I saw that a guy I knew worked as the bouncer and I thought "maybe I should ask him if he would let me in", but then I thought "well I don't want to disturb him, I mean I don't really know him too well and I can stand in line, it's not that long" I realized this and said fuck it and just went up to him, he was super friendly and let me in, no problem.
The thing is I used to to this all the time and just surrender to my excuse. Like I was at a club and I was wondering what time the club closes and theres some staff standing next to me but I don’t ask because I find some excuse not to like “I’ll just find out later”.
This may seem minor but I became aware of it and realized I had this happening to me all day. I'd have a desire, but a second after that an excuse would come up for not doing it. And this shit would add up during the day and I realized I was avoiding stuff all day.
THEN I see some girls or people that I want to talk to but I can't, I have approach anxiety. I beat myself up and am angry that I have approach anxiety and I really need to work on that. Well, the reason is that I’ve been avoiding and making excuses even before I started to think about approaching, even before I got to the club, actually, I have been avoiding stuff all day! And all this small bullshit stuff that builds up and creates momentum to build up anxiety and fear. I became aware of that, stopped it before it gained momentum and consciously started doing what I wanted and before I knew it approaching became easy.
Anyway, I thought my experience might help you in some way. Good luck.
