06-27-2016, 09:59 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-27-2016, 08:03 PM by hiddenalias.)
Day 4 - June 27
7 hours listened
Dreams: I had one very vivid dream as I felt. I did remember alot of detail out of it but it wont be in chronological order.....
So basically what happened was I parked my car at some neighbor's driveway but I dont know logically why I would have parked it there; they lived right across the street. there were 2 brothers one more overweight and one very slim. The overweight one drove his car into mine causing damage. So what i remember is we invited his family over to ours to "work things out". I guess they came over for dinner and it felt like we were bonding and getting passed the incident that happened. But then it felt as they were faking their bonding and wanted something else, my dad was falling asleep in their sofa....I felt that I was going out to take a snapshot of the other kid's license plate and damage photo snapshot so it can work as my evidence but the father of theirs spotted me asking what I was doing. Also as the family was leaving from our house where we invited them over, the mom made some kind of remark that turned out to be insulting in a hidden way toward me. That's all I can remember for now.
Been having a good day so far. I have been speaking a little freely I think that in contast before EPHRA I couldnt speak freely irrationally thinking what I say may sound stupid. I have been more loose and even with my sister again been using the playful 'love you' remark (sibling love guys cmon) lol but yeah I went to the mall to grab some new pair of sneakers, felt like it was time to upgrade my wardrobe so bought a new pair of sneakers along with new jeans and tees but the way my mom is she is like "only to wear these (tees) during bedtime" because her culture's perspective is not to wear casual tees out and about in the open public; not even in home during waking hours....(WTF??) But whatever I didnt meant to steer off topic, AM 6 will take care of her, so anyway I bought a new pair of tees and jeans and shoes.
Had fun interaction with crew at the shoe store and cashier at walmart (just simple lite conversation) I feel like i have been more of a pleasant converser with anyone I have to end up being around. So overall been feeling good about myself....there are still hesitations and fears present but it hasnt been a full week either so I am happy with the fast progress I am getting with EPHRA and cant wait to use AM 6 after 2 months of EPHRA; I would have prefered 3 to 6 months but I am going to India in 6 months and dont want time zone conflict if I end up using AM 6 for the 6th month mark; would like to complete the 6 stage run without missing any days.
Anyway, to wrap up the day I was at Walmart picking up stuff for mom and I think I realized that I am no shining star in conversation when it comes to people.....I think I learned that if the person has a "unhappy" or "unpleasant" expression on their face, they are in a bad mood and must hate their life....(too bad they dont know about subliminaltalk) lol but seriously, this one particular's aura just hit me and all of a sudden I felt fear and went into a bad mood like "I cant make this person chuckle and dude you just ruined my mood" sort of feeling.....
Felt that same uncomfortable feeling like the old me was trying to sprout out again with another person I was cashing out purchasing something....but I wasnt feeling natural and calm like with others I was feeling like forced to remain cool. Resistance anyone?? Also still same fear with bro in law cant naturally speak up with him what I want to say, maybe I am in the "mixed" phase right now where 80% of me is still the old me and the 20% of me is still trying to sprout out slowly pushing its way to the full 100% replacing the old version of me? I think I am going to TRY to start using more of the headphones with EPHRA too and more hours of listening than 7 - 9 on average. See you tomorrow
7 hours listened
Dreams: I had one very vivid dream as I felt. I did remember alot of detail out of it but it wont be in chronological order.....
So basically what happened was I parked my car at some neighbor's driveway but I dont know logically why I would have parked it there; they lived right across the street. there were 2 brothers one more overweight and one very slim. The overweight one drove his car into mine causing damage. So what i remember is we invited his family over to ours to "work things out". I guess they came over for dinner and it felt like we were bonding and getting passed the incident that happened. But then it felt as they were faking their bonding and wanted something else, my dad was falling asleep in their sofa....I felt that I was going out to take a snapshot of the other kid's license plate and damage photo snapshot so it can work as my evidence but the father of theirs spotted me asking what I was doing. Also as the family was leaving from our house where we invited them over, the mom made some kind of remark that turned out to be insulting in a hidden way toward me. That's all I can remember for now.
Been having a good day so far. I have been speaking a little freely I think that in contast before EPHRA I couldnt speak freely irrationally thinking what I say may sound stupid. I have been more loose and even with my sister again been using the playful 'love you' remark (sibling love guys cmon) lol but yeah I went to the mall to grab some new pair of sneakers, felt like it was time to upgrade my wardrobe so bought a new pair of sneakers along with new jeans and tees but the way my mom is she is like "only to wear these (tees) during bedtime" because her culture's perspective is not to wear casual tees out and about in the open public; not even in home during waking hours....(WTF??) But whatever I didnt meant to steer off topic, AM 6 will take care of her, so anyway I bought a new pair of tees and jeans and shoes.
Had fun interaction with crew at the shoe store and cashier at walmart (just simple lite conversation) I feel like i have been more of a pleasant converser with anyone I have to end up being around. So overall been feeling good about myself....there are still hesitations and fears present but it hasnt been a full week either so I am happy with the fast progress I am getting with EPHRA and cant wait to use AM 6 after 2 months of EPHRA; I would have prefered 3 to 6 months but I am going to India in 6 months and dont want time zone conflict if I end up using AM 6 for the 6th month mark; would like to complete the 6 stage run without missing any days.
Anyway, to wrap up the day I was at Walmart picking up stuff for mom and I think I realized that I am no shining star in conversation when it comes to people.....I think I learned that if the person has a "unhappy" or "unpleasant" expression on their face, they are in a bad mood and must hate their life....(too bad they dont know about subliminaltalk) lol but seriously, this one particular's aura just hit me and all of a sudden I felt fear and went into a bad mood like "I cant make this person chuckle and dude you just ruined my mood" sort of feeling.....
Felt that same uncomfortable feeling like the old me was trying to sprout out again with another person I was cashing out purchasing something....but I wasnt feeling natural and calm like with others I was feeling like forced to remain cool. Resistance anyone?? Also still same fear with bro in law cant naturally speak up with him what I want to say, maybe I am in the "mixed" phase right now where 80% of me is still the old me and the 20% of me is still trying to sprout out slowly pushing its way to the full 100% replacing the old version of me? I think I am going to TRY to start using more of the headphones with EPHRA too and more hours of listening than 7 - 9 on average. See you tomorrow
