E2 going deeper and deeper. It's odd about dreams, I usually have the clearest dreams when I wake up in the morning after around 7-h hours of sleep and then go back to sleep.
One dream stood out to me quite strongly. It was about me not finding a place in this world and almost going crazy. I was looking everywhere like a rabid dog to find SOME small idea of what I am supposed to do here. But nothing, and that made me incredibly depressed. In the dream I was consistently thinking about suicide and now it's a little bit clearer why I think about it in daily life. I simply feel like I don't belong on this planet and in this system of shit.
This reminds me of something else some time ago when I was on ASC. I was getting quite confident and I acted as I was not part of the system if that makes any sense. I did that with confidence and got away with a lot. I just left the class in the middle of it and went home, which is not something people do. That probably because attending it was supposed to be obligatory or you get kicked out, which is just a way to control people with fear and thus make it easier for anyone else to control these people later on.
To be honest there's not much I enjoy doing any more besides gaming. And I do that just because I'm so good at it, but the truth is that I see the point in that less and less as well.
This post probably sounds quite depressive, but I feel quite peaceful right now. A little sad because seeing the truth hurts sometimes.
One dream stood out to me quite strongly. It was about me not finding a place in this world and almost going crazy. I was looking everywhere like a rabid dog to find SOME small idea of what I am supposed to do here. But nothing, and that made me incredibly depressed. In the dream I was consistently thinking about suicide and now it's a little bit clearer why I think about it in daily life. I simply feel like I don't belong on this planet and in this system of shit.
This reminds me of something else some time ago when I was on ASC. I was getting quite confident and I acted as I was not part of the system if that makes any sense. I did that with confidence and got away with a lot. I just left the class in the middle of it and went home, which is not something people do. That probably because attending it was supposed to be obligatory or you get kicked out, which is just a way to control people with fear and thus make it easier for anyone else to control these people later on.
To be honest there's not much I enjoy doing any more besides gaming. And I do that just because I'm so good at it, but the truth is that I see the point in that less and less as well.
This post probably sounds quite depressive, but I feel quite peaceful right now. A little sad because seeing the truth hurts sometimes.
