Day ~63
Days on this sub get harder and harder it seems. My anger is through the roof, reality seems to be hitting me quite hard. I'm not sure what exactly it is, maybe the things that normally don't bother me now do. Things like I might have more value than I realize, so it bothers me more when I am treated as a lesser person. I feel like in the past I lived in a bubble of beliefs like "wow there's so much awesome in this world, I think I just haven't found the right thing". Now however the reality that the world is quite messed up has hit me pretty hard.
I have also started to feel quite alone, maybe I've felt like that for a while, just didn't know what it was. Even around people I feel alone, distant, not connected. I also feel quite insecure, maybe that's because of all the changes.
On the upside I think I am shredding a lot of layers that are false. Layers like having to want people to like me whatever it takes. I feel more like it doesn't matter, they either do or do not, just stay close to the ones that do and fuck the rest of them motherfuckers.
I quit drinking coffee like a week ago, not even sure why. At some point I thought that maybe coffee negatively affects emotional balance and anger, but that was without any research. Might look into that one.
Although I don't feel the best right now nor have I felt quite good for the past 2-3 weeks, I have a feeling that this is only temporary and there shall be peace on the other side, not just because that's what E2 is supposed to do, there's also this gut feeling.
Days on this sub get harder and harder it seems. My anger is through the roof, reality seems to be hitting me quite hard. I'm not sure what exactly it is, maybe the things that normally don't bother me now do. Things like I might have more value than I realize, so it bothers me more when I am treated as a lesser person. I feel like in the past I lived in a bubble of beliefs like "wow there's so much awesome in this world, I think I just haven't found the right thing". Now however the reality that the world is quite messed up has hit me pretty hard.
I have also started to feel quite alone, maybe I've felt like that for a while, just didn't know what it was. Even around people I feel alone, distant, not connected. I also feel quite insecure, maybe that's because of all the changes.
On the upside I think I am shredding a lot of layers that are false. Layers like having to want people to like me whatever it takes. I feel more like it doesn't matter, they either do or do not, just stay close to the ones that do and fuck the rest of them motherfuckers.
I quit drinking coffee like a week ago, not even sure why. At some point I thought that maybe coffee negatively affects emotional balance and anger, but that was without any research. Might look into that one.
Although I don't feel the best right now nor have I felt quite good for the past 2-3 weeks, I have a feeling that this is only temporary and there shall be peace on the other side, not just because that's what E2 is supposed to do, there's also this gut feeling.
