Am 6.0 first run

[Kol]

Feeling pretty pissed off and discovered some fear around eye contact, facing it instead of reframing it to avoid I'm still at times as some sort of automatic habit inhibiting slightly. I dont care that I have the killer look at times, that people get all uncomfortable, if this pushes me in the ranks of the insane, so fucking be it. There is an whole lake of anger under the surface. I have better options aswell. I just hate how I at times seem to revert to beta bitch boy ways and it makes me want to burn all bridges.

Also, the girl I'm seeing qualifies herself big time to the point she is terrified to lose me, asking if stuff is alright and if it is her fault and shit. I just dislike submissive girls I think. Idk. There has to be some action in bed. Im really at some crossroads currently and it causes me to feel all kind of things. Other people want to talk to me, come to me aswell. I can only imagine this to increase further. Like yesterday I talked with some guy and he just stopped and took the time to talk a bit.

Fear of losing control. My words flow sometimes and I speak automatically to the point it can make me feel slightly anxious and unsettled. Fears are so Obvious and its an sudden realize of repeating patterns mostly, also, when being in an state of reading people the anxiety is just not there.

Also, an second run might nail this sub.