04-13-2016, 10:16 PM
I wonder where I could get such a device. Any huge speakers and he will probably notice, I'll think about how I could do something like that for a while. That would take some organizing, especially if I don't want it to be running 24/7. But it is true, it might be exactly what he needs.
Had an odd dream. It was of my brother getting more and more fame as a singer (which he has been getting) and I felt jealous. Not jealous of the fact that he was singing, but of the fact that he got fame and I didn't.
I think I had some sort of a release last night when I hit play on the masked track. I started thinking about my life and how sad I feel most of the time. At one point I started thinking about why I hate myself and people and got to a conclusion that I feel people expect too much from me. I am not sure exactly who, but there's always this pressure of "I have to do this" and if I ask myself "why?" then I wouldn't know why. The anger and hate comes from not being able to follow all these "expectations", because simply I couldn't care less about following them. But still on some level they hold a lot of power over me if they can make me feel that much hate and guilt.
Had an odd dream. It was of my brother getting more and more fame as a singer (which he has been getting) and I felt jealous. Not jealous of the fact that he was singing, but of the fact that he got fame and I didn't.
I think I had some sort of a release last night when I hit play on the masked track. I started thinking about my life and how sad I feel most of the time. At one point I started thinking about why I hate myself and people and got to a conclusion that I feel people expect too much from me. I am not sure exactly who, but there's always this pressure of "I have to do this" and if I ask myself "why?" then I wouldn't know why. The anger and hate comes from not being able to follow all these "expectations", because simply I couldn't care less about following them. But still on some level they hold a lot of power over me if they can make me feel that much hate and guilt.
