Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon

[Why So Serious?]

Yesterday was interesting. Went to the store and got more looks than usual. I don't handle attention well especially when it's more than I'm used to so I wanted to shrink away and hide.

E2 is creating a "Loving" vibe that you are giving off. People are going to be drawn to that.

My mom told me something yesterday that made me realize that I'm still way to dependent on other people. I need to work on that.

E2 has made me more independent. E2 helped me get out of toxic friendships.
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7145-p...#pid105128

I was codependent with friendships that were toxic. In the past when I voiced my displeasure, their response was "4Kingdoms, you expect too much." After thinking about that statement over and over. Instead of saying (You're right, I expect too much) I said to myself (Why not? There's nothing wrong with that!) Whether or not my friends understand, I say hello and keep them at an arm's distance.

Hmmm..........a loving vibe.Maybe at that moment.
I hope to become more independent using this sub.'

Apparently I treat people closest to me like shit. My Dad and sister told me at different times. I think my mom thinks so too but indirectly tells me. Usually this would go straight over my head but now I know that they are right.

The only problem is right now I don't feel like dealing with it and am questioning do I want to. how it I'm also questioning do I really love them or have I been forcing myself to all these years. I felt dread just having to listen to them say how hurt they were. In a strange way I cared a little but not a whole lot. As usual I sat in silence as they told me what was going on. I did the usual crying but it will be the same. I'll continue to be a bitch while everyone else walks on egg shells trying not to offend me.

Actually right now it seems like not dealing with it is the better option. I know it fucked up I should care more but I'm having an incredibly difficult time doing so. I'm feeling even more cold and emotionless than usual.

I know how to like people. At least I think I do. Not so sure about loving someone sadly.

I'm going to bed early.