The last 3 days have been emotional hell for me. Anxiety, fear, hopelessness, despair, anger, depression - all rearing their ugly heads. My wife is extremely concerned, and we've had numerous fights. I've also been raising my voice with my son, and been easily frustrated and stressed, with zero ability to cope with his high energy.
My false ego, that I've been developing (my whole life?), is being assaulted. All the shields, all the walls - the truth is knocking upon them like a battering ram. When this happens, the ego thinks its destruction = death and I must identify with it hook-line-and-sinker because I feel like the walls are closing in, and there's no escape. I'm questioning my life choices, and I feel pretty trapped in the situation I'm in.
I had a dream last night where a Master (straight-up Asian from an old martial arts movie) said to me that I needed to drop everything NOW and follow him to become a Ninja. I had to decide to do so now, and it would mean leaving my old life behind forever. If I chose not to, I would be doomed to live a life with a "hole in my heart that would never be filled."
Crazy, no?
My false ego, that I've been developing (my whole life?), is being assaulted. All the shields, all the walls - the truth is knocking upon them like a battering ram. When this happens, the ego thinks its destruction = death and I must identify with it hook-line-and-sinker because I feel like the walls are closing in, and there's no escape. I'm questioning my life choices, and I feel pretty trapped in the situation I'm in.
I had a dream last night where a Master (straight-up Asian from an old martial arts movie) said to me that I needed to drop everything NOW and follow him to become a Ninja. I had to decide to do so now, and it would mean leaving my old life behind forever. If I chose not to, I would be doomed to live a life with a "hole in my heart that would never be filled."
Crazy, no?
