Shannon's Journal Discussion

[Shannon]

Shannon, is this possible?

So, I have this huge built up fear of getting a part-time job. I seem to always come across set-backs when I'm just about to reach a good state where I'm feeling super great and ready to face the fear head on. In the past, I've had various setbacks such as relapsing in gaming, porn, or masturbation, etc. Those "mistakes" were things that I consciously knew would be a mistake to relapse into. I've cut all those out 100% now, and was feeling pretty great for a time. However, recently, I've been feeling really tired and fatigued and anxious, and it's going to delay my getting a job a little bit, and I realized it is because I'm overtraining at the gym. This "mistake" however, was not consciously known by me to be a set-back-inducing action. I had no idea that I may be overtraining. Is it possible that my subconscious fears somehow programmed and made me workout super hard so that it would delay something I fear, which is getting the part-time job?

Possible that this was a subconscious self sabotage? Yes. I couldn't say one way or the other though.