(03-13-2016, 10:41 AM)Why So Serious? Wrote: Today is really odd. I'm not sure if this is resistance or not. I get this feeling that whatever decision I make with switching the subs today could either make or break me. Like whatever decision I make today could dictate my life direction. Now I have had days where I wanted to change subs but never anything like this. I woke up Friday first thing in morning with a loud internal voice screaming that I need to switch. Of course I shrugged it off. My journal is full of hints but I'm not that far from finishing.
I guess it makes sense to change because everything I have typed in this journal has to do with fear and emotional stuff. At the same time just two and half more weeks of MLS and I'll hit the 3 month mark. For some odd reason I feel like an absolute failure if I keep on going with MLS. The things I wanted to learn I'm not learning. My goals have completely changed, and I'm still falling behind on what needs to get done.
With all that said it terrifies me to switch to EHPRA. I thought it was because of money but really it's fear of change. I don't know what going to happen once I start or what kind of person I'll become. The fear will be there even when I finish MLS at the 3 month mark.
I don't know but I need to make a decision before I go to bed.
You're not a failure. You're a human willingly putting themself through more than most people will ever attempt to. Because you're getting better. You got this.
I can't tell you how to make your decision but consider a number of things. Do you want to switch out of fear of where you're going with MLS? Are you afraid of something specifically? Are you just afraid?
Having a goal to hit the 3 month mark is good, but why does that goal exist? Yes 3 months is recommended, but are you clinging to it as an excuse? You've already shown that you're able to stick to it. Don't make a decision because you're afraid of where you are or are not going. Make a decision based on where you want to go.
Edit: oh, and don't worry about what kind of person you'll become. that's a fear tactic we use on ourselves. You'll never really be able to comprehend what kind of a person you'll end up as, because you're not there. That's why it's so Important to make decisions based on what kind of person you already are. Believe in yourself now, not who you might or might not be later.
