Cry Me a Trickling Stream - EHPRA 2.0

[Shannon]

I react badly in the following situation:

Someone close to you offers to do you a favor when you need it, you take said person up on the favor, and they say that your timing is inconvenient for them - that they'll do it another time, when you don't need it, but hey, it works for them.

IMO, don't even offer the effin' favor in the first place! I experience deep disappointment and emotional hurt when this happens. It is completely reactionary, and hurts because I wouldn't do this to them. When they don't do as I would (in this case I would inconvenience myself to do them the favor as offered), it seriously degrades my affinity for the person - and once that happens, it's near impossible to get back into my good graces. Everyone starts at 100% with me, and the more you screw up, the more you get docked.

Hoping the forgiveness in the program can help me out. In some ways, I'm quick to forgive - but if I feel slighted by selfishness or betrayed in any way, I carry that with me. It would be nice to no longer have this kind of automatic reaction. Instead of allowing myself to get punched in the gut, I would like to have tensed up abs and deflect the blow.

Some years back, my wife lost her Dad in a hunting accident. That was before I ever met her. Because of it, these type of things don't bother her a lick. I think she learned some things don't hold a candle to that experience, and aren't worth letting them get to you. I feel weak and guilty for not being able to let it go like she can, and I get angry at her for being able to do so. Sometimes it feels like she just doesn't care, but I'm working on overcoming the attitude that getting upset with a situation I can't change means "I care more," because I'm slowly learning it doesn't. It just means "I hurt more."

Consider recognizing when you are reacting to subconscious expectations that may not work for you, recognizing what they are, and consciously choosing to let them go.

What your wife probably has done is exactly that: have little to no expectations. It's a form of disconnection and letting go of what is outside our control. You can only control you.