03-09-2016, 04:56 PM
I react badly in the following situation:
Someone close to you offers to do you a favor when you need it, you take said person up on the favor, and they say that your timing is inconvenient for them - that they'll do it another time, when you don't need it, but hey, it works for them.
IMO, don't even offer the effin' favor in the first place! I experience deep disappointment and emotional hurt when this happens. It is completely reactionary, and hurts because I wouldn't do this to them. When they don't do as I would (in this case I would inconvenience myself to do them the favor as offered), it seriously degrades my affinity for the person - and once that happens, it's near impossible to get back into my good graces. Everyone starts at 100% with me, and the more you screw up, the more you get docked.
Hoping the forgiveness in the program can help me out. In some ways, I'm quick to forgive - but if I feel slighted by selfishness or betrayed in any way, I carry that with me. It would be nice to no longer have this kind of automatic reaction. Instead of allowing myself to get punched in the gut, I would like to have tensed up abs and deflect the blow.
Some years back, my wife lost her Dad in a hunting accident. That was before I ever met her. Because of it, these type of things don't bother her a lick. I think she learned some things don't hold a candle to that experience, and aren't worth letting them get to you. I feel weak and guilty for not being able to let it go like she can, and I get angry at her for being able to do so. Sometimes it feels like she just doesn't care, but I'm working on overcoming the attitude that getting upset with a situation I can't change means "I care more," because I'm slowly learning it doesn't. It just means "I hurt more."
Someone close to you offers to do you a favor when you need it, you take said person up on the favor, and they say that your timing is inconvenient for them - that they'll do it another time, when you don't need it, but hey, it works for them.
IMO, don't even offer the effin' favor in the first place! I experience deep disappointment and emotional hurt when this happens. It is completely reactionary, and hurts because I wouldn't do this to them. When they don't do as I would (in this case I would inconvenience myself to do them the favor as offered), it seriously degrades my affinity for the person - and once that happens, it's near impossible to get back into my good graces. Everyone starts at 100% with me, and the more you screw up, the more you get docked.
Hoping the forgiveness in the program can help me out. In some ways, I'm quick to forgive - but if I feel slighted by selfishness or betrayed in any way, I carry that with me. It would be nice to no longer have this kind of automatic reaction. Instead of allowing myself to get punched in the gut, I would like to have tensed up abs and deflect the blow.
Some years back, my wife lost her Dad in a hunting accident. That was before I ever met her. Because of it, these type of things don't bother her a lick. I think she learned some things don't hold a candle to that experience, and aren't worth letting them get to you. I feel weak and guilty for not being able to let it go like she can, and I get angry at her for being able to do so. Sometimes it feels like she just doesn't care, but I'm working on overcoming the attitude that getting upset with a situation I can't change means "I care more," because I'm slowly learning it doesn't. It just means "I hurt more."
