Cry Me a Trickling Stream - EHPRA 2.0

[LionKing]

My wife is getting exposure to this program, as well. She thinks I'm still running SR, I didn't tell her about spending $$$ on a new program - it'll be interesting to see if she comments, and also what I notice. I'll report that here, too.

As in, your money is shared and she'd get angry at you for spending it? Sounds horrible, submissive and a recipe for drama (the shared part). No disrespect meant, I'm enjoying your journals and wish you the best!

We are married, so yes, money is shared. We have a plan to reduce debt that includes a budget, so we have a rule that we will discuss "big purchases," with each other that was previously defined as spending over $100. Therefore, no discussion needed. I don't know if you're married, but that's how we do things at the moment. We're partners, we're not perfect, and we do the best we know how at the time.

Cool. I'm not married and I live alone. Don't have kids. I did live with my ex for some 4 years. Never had, and very likely never will a shared bank account at least. But that's me, I have always required a lot of space and I need and want boundaries. We'd have certain things we'd pay together and the sums on those would be agreed on. Then, as long as we could both pay those bills, both would be absolutely free to buy whatever they decided to buy. If I needed to take a personal loan to do that, then that'd be my personal decision. But again, that's just how I am.

I think what triggered me to post were "I didn't tell her", which I connected with shame and avoidance based on my past experiences. Living with a woman, I've found its very very easy to let small things slide and gradually drift into situations where the man (me) feels like he "should" and "shouldn't" do a lot of things that he might want to, just because the woman has somehow expressed with non verbals that she would like or not like, or would be disappointed by, some actions even though logically those things might not make perfect sense. So the man agrees to avoid useless tension. And tension is emotion, which is passion. But I'm sure you're fine, I'm saying why I posted. Gonna shut up now.