02-21-2016, 08:40 AM
Well the last few days have been depressing. Everything feels hopeless.
I learned some more about myself and frankly I don't like it.
What I have learned is:
I have a fear of living my my own life with my own expectations
fear of being myself or to put it bluntly having my own personality, and fear of going out, Fear of being around people(that explains why I rarely out,even to visit family) I could go on, but it's not worth it. Seems to stem from one fear anyway.
Been pretty lazy because of it the last few days. Been playing lots of video games even though I'm bored out of my mind playing them. Been thinking about switching to OFGS or OF, but I think that's just resistance.
The best way I describe it is when someone tells their deepest, darkest secret ,and it disturbs you to the point you need time away from them. That's how I'm feeling about myself right now. It's just a lot to take in right now.
I learned some more about myself and frankly I don't like it.
What I have learned is:
I have a fear of living my my own life with my own expectations
fear of being myself or to put it bluntly having my own personality, and fear of going out, Fear of being around people(that explains why I rarely out,even to visit family) I could go on, but it's not worth it. Seems to stem from one fear anyway.
Been pretty lazy because of it the last few days. Been playing lots of video games even though I'm bored out of my mind playing them. Been thinking about switching to OFGS or OF, but I think that's just resistance.
The best way I describe it is when someone tells their deepest, darkest secret ,and it disturbs you to the point you need time away from them. That's how I'm feeling about myself right now. It's just a lot to take in right now.
