Path to Greatness - Journal

[Javier Gerardo]

You create outwardly what you focus on inwardly. If that is what you fear, then guess what? You will generate exactly what you fear.

Yeah kind of like what I'm thinking will happen because I attract it. Right?

Case in point. This is your first girlfriend. You are approaching this as the only shot you have, ever. That puts WAY too much importance on this woman, and this relationship. That makes you overvalue it so much that you start fearing the "what if"s. What if she gets fat? What if she leaves me?


Well what if she turns into Swiss cheese, bro? Ya got a fear for that yet? How about what if she eats a tree? What if a jet crashes into her? What if she's really an alien spy? What if lightning strikes you whenever you kiss her?

Chill, man! It may be your first girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, but how many people do you know who end up with their first girlfriend? It's not very common, at least where I come from. You typically have several GFs before you find the right woman. Understanding that makes it easier to relax and let go and just enjoy her, and let her enjoy you.

So what if she gets fat? If that doesn't make you happy, find someone else. So what if she leaves you? Just find someone else.

I know it seems hard to swallow hearing that because it's been so hard in the past for you to find women, but you know what? The difficulty is inside you, not out there. The difficulty is in your fears. The fears that are making you focus on "what if" instead of "what is". The fears that are making you annoy her instead of enjoy her. The fears that are making you push her away instead of attract her to you.

I understand your point. I also want it to be like that. I want to just chill. But from what I came from, this makes me think of all kinds of situations and most of them are inappropriate. Like the what if's and should have's. This is why I'm using the OGSF sub. To help me with my current situation.

I used to be in your shoes. I speak from experience. Relax: it doesn't matter. There are plenty of fish in the ocean. Work on getting past those fears and you'll be fine. I think another run of AM would be just right for you right about now.

Thanks for replying Shannon. My current situation with my girlfriend is okay. It looks like I overreacted over things. I know I shouldn't. There are some times that too I think whether she will get mad if I will do some things. It's kind of silly. I told my sister about this and good thing she almost gave the same advice you did. Like relax and I seem to think too much. She also said that if she values our relationship, she won't get mad about some petty things.

I plan to do OGSF for at least 6 months as you said. Should I jump on AM already? Or after this one?

[Shannon]

You could try to do them concurrently. I'm not entirely sure how that will work for the first few stages of AM, but it would be an interesting experiment.

[Javier Gerardo]

You could try to do them concurrently. I'm not entirely sure how that will work for the first few stages of AM, but it would be an interesting experiment.

That would be great. But as of my finances couldn't afford AM5. I will still stick to my original plan of using this sub for quite some time.

Anyhow, I feel that what I lack this past weeks are being grateful for what I have. I am receiving a lot of blessings lately and I somehow didn't seem to recognize some of them. Being grateful helped me before when I feel down, anxious or depressed. Thinking about the things I am grateful for makes me appreciate them. In some ways, it also inspires me to achieve and do more.

Thanks a lot guys. All this negative thinking must stop. Positive thinking is the way to go.
I only think about positive things in my life!

[Javier Gerardo]

A few days ago I had a dream wherein I was kind of arguing with a colleague. As of now I have pretty much good relationship with my coworkers at work.
This is probably my subconscious telling me that I need to do something when I have problems with someone. Before I fear that if I confront someone, he or she will get mad at me. I'm not sure but sometimes I don't need to please everyone.

[Javier Gerardo]

I encountered yet another disturbing dream. While on my way home there's a robber who stabbed other passengers because he is insisting them to give him their phones. Before I got stabbed I remember I fought back and I woke up after that.
A few months ago I was in kind of the same position but was able to fend off the robber before he was able to get something from me. During that occasion I remember being afraid and fearful. But I showed courage so the robber was kind of intimidated.
This must be my subconscious showing me the things and situations that I am fearful off.

[Javier Gerardo]

Yeah It's been roughly a month since I last posted an update.

Starting August I switched from using OGSF to Alpha Male 5.0
Finally bro! After a year of wanting to get the Alpha Male Set, I am now using it. A big thanks to Shannon for doing the Anniversary Ridiculous Sale.

I plan on creating a new journal for this Alpha Male 5.0 subliminal experience. What do you think guys? But it's also good that I stick to posting here so I can easily see my past postings and progress.

Now, as Rocky said, "The world ain't Sunshine and Rainbows". At the start of using Alpha Male 5.0 Stage 1, I am having dreams almost every night. I can hardly remember much. But I am sure they are making changes within me. As I have read, the Stage 1 is designed to clear up negative images of self. It is already pushing me hard. Every day I experienced a deep sadness over a lot of things. At this point in my life I discovered I have a lot of issues in myself. The fears that were supposed to be cleared up by OGSF, I believe is still strong here. I still fear that I will never make it financially. That I won't have enough for the future. I fear that my family will eventually die and leave me all alone. Same with my current relationship. I fear that she might leave me and I don't know what to do anymore once she does. I have a strong fear of being alone. I feel sad every time I see other people even on Facebook with their friends and significant other enjoying the time of their lives. I've had a good number of friends whom I have lost contact over the years. I do believe this has contributed a lot.

My insecurity have increased during the last month. I cried in front of my sister due to the issues in my relationship and me still not financially settled down. With my relationship, I believe that there are days wherein I am complicating the issues we have. My sister said that it is entirely not my fault. That my gf is also being quite immature and wasting a great guy like me. Of course she takes my side because I'm her brother. But I do get her point. Like times when my gf doesn't reply I'm paranoid all of a sudden. I mean I shouldn't because we work at different time schedules and secondly, I should be secure and trusting.

I know Shannon already gave me a reply here about me having intense fear about losing my girlfriend. I am already justifying how much better she is than all the girls out there. These fears of mine are taking a toll on myself. As of right now, I am already giving her a lot of space since before I am kind of strict on her. The problem is that we only see each other once a week and I feel we are growing distant. She's also kind of commenting whenever I went out with my friends or on my own. She admits that she's a bit of a jealous type but I kind of feel unfair with it. I let her go out with her friends and family almost every time. I'm a real trusting type so it's not an issue. The problem is she might think I'm doing something wrong every time I go out. I do love her and I have no plans of doing something that might break her heart. But she should trust me back in regards to this.

In regards to my job, it's been good overall. The workload is okay and I am not stressed out. The salary though is below my standards. The company is really under a tough financial situation so I can't complain. I should be happy as it is that I am earning money.

On the positive note, when I'm out I still can easily talk to strangers. I don't know but I seem to be becoming a natural with it. Even though I rarely go out with my friends or meet new people I believe I still can. Sometimes especially at work I feel that I am just showing a fake smile and happiness just to cope up with the problems in my relationship, my friends and at home.

So here I am finally being content that I have finally brought Alpha Male 5.0. Frankly I am really afraid of the changes that this sub might bring. I am afraid to lose something. I am afraid that I will lose control. I am afraid of the pain and suffering that I will have to go through in life.

I must not fear
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass
Over me and through me.
And when it has gone past
I will turn the inner eye
To see its path.
Where the fear has gone
There will be nothing.
Only I will remain....
- Frank Herbert's Litany Against Fear

[Javier Gerardo]

I'm on Stage 2 of Alpha Male 5.0
The stage one was hard on me. It had me crying on some days. Same goes on my journey with the Stage 2.

I started it only for a few days but I believe it is already working. When I think of bad thoughts, something in me is fighting back. Thinking of the good things I have and doing my best to think about it. In the end, I still feel sad at times.

Deep inside I feel I have a lot of issues within myself. I'm working on them and AM 5.0 is helping me but I still go back on my past weakness from time to time. I have improved over the course of the years but it pains me when I think I'm going back to old habits. I'm trying my best guys but sometimes the pain has gotten the best of me.

A few days ago I dreamed of seeing my old friends back in college and high school. I was glad I had that dream. Too bad it's already time to wake up and I didn't finish my dream.