Alpha Female in Training

[AlphaRomeo]

The fear is just about gone I would say 90 to 95 percent gone. It only took a week to get over it too. Usually would take several months to a year. Really happy about this.

Only 6 more days to go.Then I'll start again from the beginning.

Way to go. All the best for the second run...not everyone has patience to do that, but patience is a virtue that tends to payoff handsomely in the long run

[Why So Serious?]

Last Day

Thanks Shannon and AlphaRomeo. I still have a long way to go so I don't consider myself done with this sub. Looking at the variables in my life I think I need to run it a couple of time before I get the results I want.

Another thing I need to keep in mind is to use the sub for at least 12 hr. a day. I only did 10 most of the time because I used the old 4g instructions on the website. No big deal still got some progress so all is good.

Well, I'll take my week off and start again.

[Why So Serious?]

I know it's my week off but I feel weird. I feel calm with the usual ups and downs but calm. When I went to work I wasn't mad. I just feel like I needed to figure out a way to get out of there calmly. Maybe it's sub settling in?

I don't know how to explain it. I just want to get things done and I feel clam about it. It's more to it than that but I can't explain it. I wish I could though. This is all new to me.
I have been impatient with starting this sub again. Even with how difficult it can be going through the resistance.

Can't wait to start again to see what else will happen.

[koshas]

I know it's my week off but I feel weird. I feel calm with the usual ups and downs but calm. When I went to work I wasn't mad. I just feel like I needed to figure out a way to get out of there calmly. Maybe it's sub settling in?

I don't know how to explain it. I just want to get things done and I feel clam about it. It's more to it than that but I can't explain it. I wish I could though. This is all new to me.
I have been impatient with starting this sub again. Even with how difficult it can be going through the resistance.

Can't wait to start again to see what else will happen.

It only gets better I did am5 now on am6.

I am much more calmer emotionally .and a better person.

after a rather bad past few years.

[Shannon]

Cruising along under power, and then you cut the engine. That's when you really begin to appreciate that yes, in fact, you are actually flying.

It may not be very high just yet... but it's happening. Congrats on your successes so far! I look forward to seeing what happens in the future. Hopefully I'll be able to release AF2 before you're done.

[Why So Serious?]

@koshas
Really! That's cool. I'm happy for the changes you made. I hope to be a better person after I finish AF.

@Shannon
I never thought about it like that. Now that you think about it I am starting to appreciate everything that happened during AF. Even the bad times. I took it for granted while running it. It's nice to be grateful for the few changes I made.
Thanks for the compliment and hope you can release AF by then too. If not no big deal.

The last couple of days have been great. I feel really strong and centered. I attempted to stand up to my boss for something he blamed me for but I didn't do it. Unfortunately it didn't go well. Long story short he is played the I forgot card and changed the story making it seem like he never blamed me in the first place.
I was scared to do talk to him but I did it. It just didn't end well.

My mom didn't like my choice to try a different job position and I stood my ground for once. I didn't do what I usually do. I didn't make a great argument. (I'm new to all this give me a break.) She apologized later on so all is well.

Today on the way home that good feeling went away and all I felt was dread. It only lasted for 2 to 3 hours. I can't pinpoint where it came from though. I guess I don't need to worry about it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm getting too ahead of my self with feel so good about myself. I don't want to come off as a .....itch. Some people at work have said I have become rebellious and sassy.

Oh and I'm going to try and introduce my mom to subs tomorrow. Pray for me.

Still counting down the days before I start AF again.

[Shannon]

Not a one of us who has done alpha male or female made these changes without having to learn how to walk in the new shoes of being alpha. And it's not like you're born knowing how. You have to figure it out. You have to make the effort, see how you could have done it better or differently, and learn from it and improve. It takes time, and the fact that you're making this journey is a great sign. It means you really are growing and becoming a self-leader who has self respect and self esteem and self worth, and who refuses to be walked on or pushed around.

Yes, it's awkward at first, but you'll learn to walk in these new shoes and then eventually run. And some day, you'll even learn how to make them grow wings and fly! Don't be hard on yourself for not knowing all of how to do it just yet. And don't feel self conscious for it either. We all have to start at the beginning, and we all have to figure it out with legs that are wobbly at first.

Welcome to the beginning of your journey. And welcome to the alpha club. :-)

[Why So Serious?]

Not a one of us who has done alpha male or female made these changes without having to learn how to walk in the new shoes of being alpha. And it's not like you're born knowing how. You have to figure it out. You have to make the effort, see how you could have done it better or differently, and learn from it and improve. It takes time, and the fact that you're making this journey is a great sign. It means you really are growing and becoming a self-leader who has self respect and self esteem and self worth, and who refuses to be walked on or pushed around.

Yes, it's awkward at first, but you'll learn to walk in these new shoes and then eventually run. And some day, you'll even learn how to make them grow wings and fly! Don't be hard on yourself for not knowing all of how to do it just yet. And don't feel self conscious for it either. We all have to start at the beginning, and we all have to figure it out with legs that are wobbly at first.

Welcome to the beginning of your journey. And welcome to the alpha club. :-)

Thanks Shannon for the words of wisdom. You're right I need to stop being so hard on my self.
Being Alpha is going to take some getting used to.

Thanks for the compliment.

[Why So Serious?]

Stage 1 Day 2

Missed a day so It was more that a week. Hope I didn't mess up my results. :/ I'm doing the best I canto listen for 12-14 hr. So far so good and I'm already feeling the sub working. Last time it took ten days. I don't know if it's because of listening hours or running it once.

Anyway I'min a bad mood but the difference this time around is that I feel really strong and centered on the inside. It makes me wonder how I ran it last time without this feeling.

I apologized to someone for getting an attitude earlier that day. They starting joking saying that I must have been sick. Then they asked later why the apology all of a sudden. Apparently I have an attitude most of the time. To make matters worse I didn't know. I'm working on it but I may need help with that one.

This job is really bringing out the worse in me as well. Now a coworker has really starting flirting a lot more. This upsets the boss because he likes me still. I thought he was over it. I didn't like him in the first place. Now whenever he sees me and the coworker he starts cockblocking. Between the flirting and cockblocking this is really getting on my nerves. If I wasn't in such a bad mood I could laugh about it. Maybe later.

I am trying to learn some new job skills but once again I screw that up. Being lazy and procrastinating. It really grates my nerves to study for anything. It just feels extremely daunting, challenging, and incredibly painful for me. Even today while studying at work every 20 seconds I was thinking about something else I could do. At the same time I kept thinking if I could focus on getting this done how I would be using my full potential to learn. I always knew I had it in me, I just need to figure out how to get over feeling like I'm stabbing myself in the brain. I'm just slowly going along till then. Feels like I got an inner war going on......seriously.

I guess the only good news is that a part of me wants to learn. Before AF I wouldn't even want to learn. I would rather waste time. Also I memorize what I learn faster. I guess my memory isn't as bad as I thought. I wonder if the sub has any maximum learning speed in there. :p

Oh well that's it for now.

[Why So Serious?]

I still don't feel like I have much to add but I'll do my best.
For some odd reason I feel anxious posing here again. Have no clue why.

I currently on stage 4. I really just set the sub and forget it. I don't try and figure out every little thing it's working on. I just play it night.

I'm not working at the old job anymore. They let me go. Don't know why but I stopped caring. I got a new job. It doesn't seem to bad for now.

I'm getting back into drawing again. I did quit for a moment but I'm back at it again.

I still procrastinate a lot but it's slowly starting to chip away......very slowly.

I'm no longer a virgin. I'm not sure if it's because of the subs, but he didn't show to much interest until I started AF.

I am starting to feel grateful for some the things that happen in life. not just thinking about it, feeling it too. When that happens a day later I get very anxious lol. You can tell I'm not used to this.

If I can think of other things that happened I'll post later.

I'm not sure if I want to continue using the sub for another round. I'm not saying I won't listen to the sub ever again. I just would like a longer break than a week.
I'm wondering if it has something to do with not liking being told what to do? I did notice when I wasn't listening to it for a week that was when the sub really started to kick in for me.
I don't know but all I can say was this run has been boring. I'd like to hear Shannon's opinion on weather I should go for a third round right after finishing the second.

[Ryan]

That's a very interesting thing. I actually got fired from a job on AM also because I went highly into indifferent, "I don't care at all" about my job mode. Though, I also hated the job even before AM. Reminded me of the movie Office Space lol. But in all honesty, I was happy it happened.

Sounds like good changes, though!

[Why So Serious?]

Ryan
I had the same feelings toward my last job. I'm not sure if I will like this job either. I'll try giving it a chance.
Funny, I don't feel like a lot has changed.

Today I went and did some shopping. I was looking for more work outfits and just outfits to wear and general. Then it happened! I had the realization that I don't want to wear what most people my age wear. You stuff that shows every lump, bump and curve. I want to dress differently than that.

When I had that thought I almost started hyperventilating. I mean isn't this what people my age dress like? I mean I have the shape so that isn't the issue. I keep hearing that I better show it off while I have the shape so What changed?

[Ryan]

That's interesting. Have you ever had a job you've actually enjoyed? That's always been a disaster for me, I think I've hated just about every job I had besides a select few that I had to get out for different reasons. With AM that made it even more difficult to deal with haha. Took me forever to find my passion too. And I'm a total non-conformist in many ways, it seems you are as well? With that I feel like my life is more directed on my own happiness vs. starting a family and dealing with a shit job to provide, so I view a job as not just something I have to do but eventually want that to be something I love.

[Why So Serious?]

@Ryan

So far I haven't found a job that I like.

I guess I am a non comformist. I could never get into trends unless I liked it. I'll try viewing a job like that but it won't be easy. I mean it's pretty difficult if you don't like it and then dealing with people you don't like at the job makes it worse.

I'll post this because it's been bothering me lately. For some odd reason I can't stand people. I feel like I hate everybody. Well, not hate but I do have a strong dislike for people. Then it is followed by a lot of anxiety and all that jazz. I just find it odd that it's happening that's all.