Mateunio's Life Tune Up 5G 3.1 Journal

[LogicMan]

Hi Mateunio, The Universe knows what is best for you right now, even if you cannot see it. Just trust that everything is working out for you and have faith. Everything will (and is) coming good

[Mystic Pymp]

Hi Mateunio, The Universe knows what is best for you right now, even if you cannot see it. Just trust that everything is working out for you and have faith. Everything will (and is) coming good

I know, parents can be harsh but try to best to their children. Sadly sometimes they have different understanding what "best" is.

Day 66

Not typical entry because I will try to describe my train of thoughts I had today on my lectures and on the way back home. It's interesting because it shows change in my way of thinking. Also I'm tired of normal kind of entry, I keep writing same things half the time anyway.

Nothing is certain. Nothing. Starting with imperfections of human sensory system and brain, ending with fundamental Uncertainty Principle, causes for that are numerous. I doesn't matter though. You don't need to know movement of every particle to know how the wind blows, you don't need to know workings of every ant to know predict what will anthill upon the stimuli. But this inherit uncertainty leaves us will fear, with troublesome thoughts about the future. At least this is what I always felt. Present and near future are no problem, but what will happen in a year? So many things may happen and you cannot predict them. So I tried to look at bigger picture, consider scales big and small at the same time in both time directions to see patterns and correlations. What I always saw in future direction was this fear I mentioned because way forward was foggy and blurred. Now however it all becomes clear. New paths emerge and wait only for me to grasp them. New dimensions, previously unseen, present themselves and new opportunities. I wonder why I haven't thought the thoughts I'm thinking today. Was I blind? Did I reject them out of undefined fear? Past is the second direction of time and it is also blurred, so answers for that cannot be found. However, they don't truly matter anymore, it's part of unknown that will forever always be unknown. All I have to do is to move forward and try to ununcertain the future as much as possible.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 70

I feel good. I feel very good actually. I feel so good in fact that I almost worry about it. It's the middle of November, I should be down and tired of life, instead I'm doing plenty of work with my studying, I'm being sociable and more fun around others than ever before. I'm tend to be more mature, but often times rude as well if I disagree with others opinion, which is 100 times better than being passive-aggressive even if there are improvements to be done. I've even went for run today (5k) while I'd never do it at this time of the year. I've had my first good conversation with my parents since academic year started. My intuition is sharp and works well. And last but not least I'll be going tomorrow to the cinema with my female friend - it's nothing like a date but it's still nice to know some girl doesn't consider me complete loser and wants to hang out with me. There is probably more, but I there is no point in continuing on.

But it seems almost too perfect. It almost feels as if pressure was building up in me and someday something or someone will trigger explosion. I can't really explain it, but I almost feel like a ticking bomb waiting to explode. Maybe it's that in past I'd hold and assimilate this negativity and now I won't do that anymore and it gets stored somewhere to rot and get to light one day, or maybe it's just my pessimism when I've escaped sinusoidal cycle and things are getting bright. We'll see in the coming weeks.

Because I need good boundaries and strong commitment not to change things at the last moment I've decided I'll start running AM6 on 20th of December. LTU works very well and if AM6 is as awesome as some people say I will surely not regret using new sub. Long Christmas holiday will allow me to get used to new sub without stress and give me a lot of exposure at the start. I can't wait to see the AM6 in action!

Last thing I've noticed recently. I've wanted to apply to the student exchange to Japan this year, but I couldn't due to years requirements. However I will be able to apply next year and my roommate is always saying when I mention I will apply for it next year: "You will GO there next year". As if it's certain I will bet through formalities and I will meet requirements. I have lots of doubt about it, after all so many people will apply, many of them brilliant minds with awesome credentials, but his replies reassure me. It's pretty funny how others have more faith in me than I have.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 74

One of those worse days for me, so this update might be pessimistic.

Recently I've mentioned how my roommate has total confidence that I will meet get into this student exchange deal. And I must admit it flattered me - I knew I can do it because otherwise I would discard it from the start, but that really strengthened my resolve. However recently I reminded myself of similar happening and it wasn't so pleasant. In January I've made a wager with my cousin over if I will find myself a girlfriend in 2014. Back then I was negativity incarnate and heartbroken so of course I thought it won't happen, but he believed in me and said that I will do it. Back then it also flattered me, but I didn't give much thought to it. 10 months later I think sadly about it as apparently I've failed him. Well, I still have 1.5 months, but unless she will fall from the sky nothing will change. Funny thing is all my family always says how nice, clever and handsome guy I am. How come this is true if I have so few friends and I tend to push away people with my "niceness". How come everyone says how clever I am, but I feel stupid like a brick. How come people look up my future bright but I fear it, paralyzed by possibility of failure or getting into dead end of misery.

TL;DR People think of me much more highly than I think of myself. And reality seems to support my case.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 75

I wanted to write about something else today, something I've done to clean myself emotionally. I will not do it though, because it's not exactly family safe and it's too personal for me. Suffice to say I've exploded (as I feared I might), but EPRHA & OGSF came to help and now I feel like I was relieved of a burden.

I will talk about future instead. I always find it funny how we think the future will change very little. How we assume most variables will stay the same, our circle of friends will consist of the same faces etc. Of course we anticipate some changes, but background is unshaken. And so I thought too, until I realized how my life will look like in 5 years and tried to remember how it looked not even 5, but 2 years ago. During those 2 years I've done so many things for the first time, I've met so many people and learnt so much it's beyond belief. All my currents friends I've got to know in this time, I'm not in touch with anyone from before. My believes changes, my loves changes and my personality changed in response to the new experiences. And today I realized that in 5 years I will probably live in different country (possibly different continent), I will meet thousand of new people, experience hundreds of new things and I myself will change with or without subs. So there is no point in being down now. First of all there will be time when today will be distant memory and I'll start with blank slate. And second of all if past 2 years proved me anything, it's that changes come naturally and quickly, you don't even notice them half the time. I complain that I don't meet many new people, but I forgot how many people I got to know in past month or three. I complain how I don't get chances, but I forget how many of them I've used recently. Future is too ambiguous to be negative about it. All we can predict is that Sun will rise and fall every single day and what is left is to make it as good as possible.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 76

I feel great. I feel more than great to be honest. It's hard to explain it, but I almost feel like a future superhero, like second Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark. Of course I need to build a lot to get there, but foundations set by myself and LTU are solid and soon first bricks will be laid onto the ground soon. Perhaps they've been laid already? Probably I will use this superhero idea to visualize from now on. It's much better and emotionally healthy than imagining my adventures with pretty, smart brunettes.

I love how OE2 works. Those little coincidences that lead into answers for my problems, things I would not notice or would disregard them before. Applying those answers might still be hard, but it's not an excuse! It really kills me that WM doesn't have it, but I think I'll use it anyway when time comes.

I've weighted myself today for the first time since early October. I was afraid I have gained a lot of weight because of my student's unhealthy diet and little to no exercising, but it turned out I didn't gain a pound. I was stable this whole time. This gives me hope that if AM won't strain me emotionally (with I fear it will reading others' journals) with enough determination I will lose a lot of weight quite easily. If it holds true I will be free from using WL6, which I was thinking of using between AM and WM.

I was thinking recently about my hobbies and understood I really don't have them, what leads to wasting lots of time. I mean yeah, I have my field of study and I do go to student circles since this semester and I play D&D with my friends, but it's not enough. I could definitely used something that would make me socialize and meet new people. Any ideas? Keep in mind I'm introverted and kind of geeky, but I also have to push myself beyond my boundaries if I want to change. I won't take up anything before 12th of December, but it's good to have some ideas ready.

[Ivaylo]

This might be BASE talking, but why don't you try to learn some way to make money? The geeky thing can only be an advantage, as long as you're also really willing to push your boundaries and take action. Socially, that would work best if there are events for entrepreneurs where you live.

In my city, there are quite a lot of girls at these events as well, although I've yet to meet an actual female entrepreneur.

[Mystic Pymp]

This might be BASE talking, but why don't you try to learn some way to make money? The geeky thing can only be an advantage, as long as you're also really willing to push your boundaries and take action. Socially, that would work best if there are events for entrepreneurs where you live.

In my city, there are quite a lot of girls at these events as well, although I've yet to meet an actual female entrepreneur.

That's not stupid idea, thanks. I've never been into business because there is much competition and it relies heavily on social interactions, but this might actually be the way to go. Can you tell me exactly what to look for, especially as a newbie?

[Ivaylo]

That's not stupid idea, thanks. I've never been into business because there is much competition and it relies heavily on social interactions, but this might actually be the way to go. Can you tell me exactly what to look for, especially as a newbie?

This is a pretty broad question and there are lots of ways to go, but I'll try to give a few pointers.

First of all, you mention that in business "there is much competition". I don't necessarily agree. That's like saying that in dating there's much competition. There might be, but it's really impractical to think in those terms. Neediness can kill business relationships with customers too. I would recommend Peter Thiel's book "Zero to One". The first few chapters describe quite accurately what successful startups look like. An "alpha startup", if you will.

Other than that, different people I know have went into entrepreneurship in very different ways. Some had 9 to 5 jobs, got fed up with it and decided to start their own business. Others got a job precisely to get experience which they would later apply. I, on the other hand, started trying to make money at age 19, just so that I don't have to ask my parents for money every night I went out. It turned out I was quite good at it and the rest is history.

As a newbie, probably "The Millionaire Fastlane" by MJ DeMarco is your best bet, as far as reading material goes. It does a lot of things to deprogram you from the "9 to 5" mindset. If you start perceiving entrepreneurship and business as the safest way to go financially, you'll be much more motivated to make it work. I know quite a lot of people who are fascinated by the subject of entrepreneurship, but they are comfortable with their full-time jobs and don't seem to have any motivation to push themselves. And they never do.

I continue to create a lot of friendships just based on that mindset, because proactive people like to be around others, who are like that. As I get more experience in my area and people start to look up to me, it is getting even easier for me socially.

[Mystic Pymp]

That's not stupid idea, thanks. I've never been into business because there is much competition and it relies heavily on social interactions, but this might actually be the way to go. Can you tell me exactly what to look for, especially as a newbie?

This is a pretty broad question and there are lots of ways to go, but I'll try to give a few pointers.

First of all, you mention that in business "there is much competition". I don't necessarily agree. That's like saying that in dating there's much competition. There might be, but it's really impractical to think in those terms. Neediness can kill business relationships with customers too. I would recommend Peter Thiel's book "Zero to One". The first few chapters describe quite accurately what successful startups look like. An "alpha startup", if you will.

Other than that, different people I know have went into entrepreneurship in very different ways. Some had 9 to 5 jobs, got fed up with it and decided to start their own business. Others got a job precisely to get experience which they would later apply. I, on the other hand, started trying to make money at age 19, just so that I don't have to ask my parents for money every night I went out. It turned out I was quite good at it and the rest is history.

As a newbie, probably "The Millionaire Fastlane" by MJ DeMarco is your best bet, as far as reading material goes. It does a lot of things to deprogram you from the "9 to 5" mindset. If you start perceiving entrepreneurship and business as the safest way to go financially, you'll be much more motivated to make it work. I know quite a lot of people who are fascinated by the subject of entrepreneurship, but they are comfortable with their full-time jobs and don't seem to have any motivation to push themselves. And they never do.

I continue to create a lot of friendships just based on that mindset, because proactive people like to be around others, who are like that. As I get more experience in my area and people start to look up to me, it is getting even easier for me socially.

I've just added those two positions to my "want to read" list. You are right about competition, I've never looked at it with this dating parallel in mind. I'll give it some thought for sure

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 78

Did anyone of you played "Antichamber"? If not then I recommend you it for all my heart. I costs 19 euro right now, but I'm sure somewhere around Christmas it will be 75% off. The game is of "mindf**k" genre, but it focuses on teaching you how to look at things from different perspective and forces you to actually THINK (I know, it's hard these days). Two things though. First don't read anything about it, just add it to your Steam wishlist and wait for deals. Second don't do the same mistake as I did and don't rush through it. Take it more as an experience than a game. I will leave you thinking for some time, I guarantee you.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 80

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I can't wait to start AM6. There is one month left to go with LTU. My thoughts were mixed to be honest, but after reading some topics I've made my decision clear. I find myself reading AM description every now and then so that I know what should I prepare myself for. I hope it will live to the hype it has earned in men's forum.

I don't know how appropriate it is for "Family and Work safe" forum, but to test my self-control I've decided to do some bad stuff less often, 1 time/week is the goal. LTU challenged me with a lot of emotional burden (or rather it uncovered it) and when I stopped eating sweets for purpose of discharging my emotions because I'd grow way too fat, I had to find a substitute. And so it happens I think I was using it way too often. Now, that the emotions are calmer, I want to use it even less often than before LTU. We'll see how it goes, but so far I control myself without much problem.

[LogicMan]

Hi Mateunio,

I found meetup.com is great for finding groups and meet-ups for a whole range of interests. In fact I actually met one of my now best friends via one of the groups. It can seem daunting going to a meetup where you don't know anyone but everyone is in the same boat as you and are all there to meet like minded friendly people like yourself. They even have some gaming meetups and the like.

Regards
LogicMan

[Mystic Pymp]

Thanks demo84, great find! I don't think there will be many groups around my city, but it's worth a shot for sure.